


Deceptions, Deviations and Desires

by GabeCarter



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe, Anal Sex, Angst, Blow Jobs in a Car, Dirty Talk, Drug Addiction, Dubious Consent, Emotional Hurt, Explicit Language, Homophobic Language, M/M, Multi, Music, No Strings Attached, Obsession, Radio Program, Self-Destruction, Sexual Violence, Substance Abuse, Triggers, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-05-23
Updated: 2014-06-18
Packaged: 2018-01-24 08:22:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 30,229
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1598126
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GabeCarter/pseuds/GabeCarter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is a simple AU story of a fucked up Castiel Novak living on the road, aimless and hopeless without much of a life expectation; of a Dean Winchester who's lost everything and can't find that length of rope to hold on to in order to prevent his downfall. They meet and collide into a cliché love story with its ups and downs, and live happily ever after.</p><p>Except that it's not so cliché when the pieces don't seem to fit like they do on fairy tales; the ups and downs are extremist and obsessive; and the "happily ever after" might not be the end of it because their relationship is just way too fucked up to even deserve being called "relationship".</p><p>A radio program is a significant part of their lives as it describes each chapter of their encounters... even when they don't realize.</p><p>P.S: Did I mention that Castiel is characterized as the 2014 version? And Dean will eventually turn into the 2014 version as the fic progresses.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Discovery

**Author's Note:**

> I need to warn you dear readers that this fic will contain a lot of triggers that I will be listing accordingly as they come up on the story, as well as characters as they make their appearance.
> 
> I haven't decided yet all the triggers this will cover but if you decide that it's not a good idea to start reading, only to be halted by the sudden introduction of a sensitive topic... well I won't blame you for not reading. Also, if you do read it (for which I'm already thankful for) and notice something that might be triggering and hasn't been listed, please let me know so I can include it in the tags. Additionally, the "Archive Warnings" will apply on future chapters, not this one yet.

 

 

* * *

 

_"Ladies and gentleman, this is Carver Edlund welcoming you again to this section called "Deceptions, Deviations and Desires" at KAZSPN. Today I want to talk about those new acquaintances that we meet everyday, with a simple glance on the street, a bump on the shoulder at the bus stop, or when we share a cab with someone else. We may not give them importance because most of them are dead ends. We don't necessarily befriend that person, sometimes we don't even talk to them, we don't see them again; we don't look at them as more than insignificant random encounters... but there comes the time when it's something different, something bigger... meaningful... and most of the times we don't know how to take it in. So we fu--k up." There was a small gap of silence while the disc jokey on the other side of the thick glass shook his head in disapproval, muting a banned word that 'Carver' was prone to use more and more frequently on air. 'Carver' shrugged nonchalantly and made a gesture with his hand to dismiss that disapproving glare. "Some times the universe just decides to throw us a curve ball, and that glance is accompanied with sub-textual chemistry, that bump on the shoulder burns with eroticism, the ride on the cab creates a subtle tension of attraction. Don't take it the wrong way, I'm not talking about sexual attraction, I'm talking about this innate desire of the soul to reach out to this new, mysterious person that crossed our path at the right place at the right time, to get to know them. The universe crosses our path with that one person, intertwines us in a more profound bond and if we're brave enough to follow that road... it will give a twist to our lives. Most of the tim-"_

The radio station changed abruptly.

Cas recognized the song played on the new station only because he once slept with a guy that was obsessed with the vocalist and spent most of the 'date' talking about her before Cas shut him up with a heated kiss that thankfully lead them to the bedroom.

_Coils up and round me_   
_Teasing your poetry_   
_Switch me on, turn me up_

He took his hand away from the stereo controls and back to his side, deciding that this song was better than the previous existential speech, then shuffled his position on the passenger seat to look at the driver. The man behind the wheel looked at him out of the corner of his eyes and smirked without turning his head around.

"I got a present for you," the man said with a gruff voice.

Cas' face quickly replaced a frown of confusion into a teasing smirk, "It's not my birthday yet."

The man took this chance to distract himself from the road for just a second to look at Cas, face full of curiosity, "Is not?... then when is it?"

Cas' smile turned a little bigger as he sunk back into the seat, looking straight forward, "What's the present?" he asked, completely ignoring the man's question.

The driver sighed with a bit more disappointment than he expected for the elusion of an answer, then nodded towards the glove compartment before turning his full attention back to the road.

In situations like these, there was only one thing that could be a 'present' for Cas, and as he opened the compartment he knew he was right. There was a small cigarette case inside which he slowly pulled into his lap to retrieve what was inside. He could almost taste the contains even before he took the small plastic bag out of the case and inspected the white powder inside. In no time, Cas was already digging his index finger into the bag to drag an estimated dose to snort. His craving suddenly went up the clouds as he ogled the cocaine like a hungry lioness about to pounce on a prey, his mouth was watering as he fought the erratic sway of the car to make a line on the side of his finger; with anxiety in his movements, he pushed one of his nostrils and brought his finger up to the free one before sniffing hard. The habitual numbness at his nose came rather quickly as he tilted his head back and exhaled slowly through his mouth. This was his favorite part, when his mind thrived to get high so much that it pounded a little bit harder than usual and his heart speeded up the beat. He smiled pleased when he felt the drug invading his senses, then sniffed again to get it all down his system, relishing on the feeling that started to flood his body like he was sinking into a hot tub.

Cocaine always got him horny. He guessed it was a natural reaction since every person he met offered him coke before or during sex, especially when they truly wanted Cas to be in the mood. It wasn't necessary though, because Cas had no problem agreeing to sex regardless of what drug he had on him, but it was always a plus when he got coke for free. Immediately after he felt the exhilaration of the drug driving his body, he turned back to the driver and leaned closer into his ear. "I want to blow you," he whispered while his hand tentatively reached across the gear shift to thumb the man's crotch. "I want to blow you while you drive."

The driver smirked to himself with pride and success before spreading his legs a little further, as an invitation for his companion. Cas quickly stored the plastic bag back into the case and put it aside before skilfully leaning down to work on the guy's zipper. The position was the most uncomfortable one to give oral sex, with the gear shift stabbing his ribs, the wheel pressing on his shoulder and the little space he had to maneuver, but it was all compensated with the fact that it was the most exciting way to give oral sex.

_I need la la la la la la_   
_I need ooh la la la la_   
_I need la la la la la la_   
_I need ooh la la la la_

Cas was starting to pick up rhythm as the song progressed, the chorus had a strange effect on him, wanting to do it better, to work harder, to go deeper. "Fuck!" the guy cursed after a few seconds, making Cas think it was because he was doing a good job but got turned down when the man spoke, "We're out of gas." The thing about his libido was that it made him crave for specifics, in this case giving oral sex while driving; but to stop on the side of the road to fuck? Cas wasn't really in the mood for that and quite honestly he preferred to make a guy cum in his mouth rather than make a pit stop to snoop into the backseat, so he made a movement to sit back up and stop sexing. An arm kept him down though, "Keep going, don't do this to me," the man moaned as he (less than gently) forced Cas to go down on him.

The mood got killed after the guy pulled over, so Cas pushed himself up, pushing the guy's arm away and rubbing a hand across his face to clean his nose from any remains of coke and his mouth from the musky taste, "There'll be plenty of time for it later," he replied, frustrated and annoyed, not really meaning to keep up that promise.

 

At 7 pm it was hard for any car to pass by the highway, and even less chances for them to pick up two trashy guys for a ride, but eventually one RV parked in front of them and an old married couple climbed down to converse with the astray guys. The next town wasn't that far and the couple was driving there anyway so they offered a ride with little hesitation after exchanging short introductions and a dubious explanation of why they were stranded in the highway. Cas didn't want to explain the whole story of why he had no home to go or any actual destination, he settled with saying "We're just on a road trip for the thrill of holiday adventures," then looked up to whatever-his-name-was to confirm his little lie. The other guy smiled at the married couple and nodded.

Unfortunately for Cas, being an old couple, they seemed to have ran out of topics for them to talk so they were prying on Cas' life with 'his friend' all the road. To be honest it was becoming harder and harder by the minute to mask the fact that they had met only 28 hours before. Cas had been to an afterparty where this guy approached with a beer and some ecstasy, they slept together, they talked about driving around the country, Cas stupidly mentioned he had a car, neither of them had anything to pack so they both left the party drunk and high to hit the road and the rest was history. Of course the version that Cas was telling to the couple omitted several aspects like the length of their relationship and the period of 'planning' for this road trip, but it wasn't a complete lie and it served to satisfy their unnecessary curiosity.

Two hours later, Cas and his friend —whose name, 'Lucas', thankfully came up again during a conversation on the road— were being dropped out at a bus terminal in town, where they could finally see some civilization again. The married couple bid goodbyes with a friendly waving of their hands through their RV's windows.

"That was the lamest ride I've ever taken," Lucas commented when he finally let his fake smile drop like a heavy mask then made an over-dramatic face of exhaustion.

"Whatever," Cas said, trying to focus on more pressing matters like where they were going to get drunk and high next. "Let's get going,"

The city lights leaded their way. Logic dictated that where there were more lights, the nightlife was already warming up, bars were welcoming people with cheap alcohol and motels were opening vacancies for the typical one night stands. Just the kind of ambient they were looking for

 

* * *

 

There was another knock on his door, Dean was just putting on his boots after making sure that his shirt didn't reek, that his jeans didn't have any strains and that his underwear was clean because he suspected a hook-up tonight and there was nothing less arousing than dirty underwear. "Yeah, yeah, I'm not backing out," he shouted through the door, tying up the cords and striding out of his bedroom and towards the living room.

It was already a Friday night, which meant Dean didn't actually have to stay home to make sure Sam would be doing homework, the guy deserved some break from all the hard work he put into school, although frankly Dean didn't have to put much pressure into it because his little brother seemed frantic about getting some recommendation letters for law school before he got his degree. Sam was worried about his acceptance because he was in community college, but Dean kept reminding him that he was the smartest guy at school. Dean was pretty confident about it, so when their roommate offered to hit the bars downtown to de-stress themselves from a long week of work, Dean couldn't find one single reason to say no.

"So where are we going?" Dean asked once he gathered up with his friend at the living room.

Benny was sitting on the couch, two beers on the coffee table and a cigarette on an ash tray. He shrugged at Dean before replying carelessly, "Beats me, I was only given the address."

Dean rolled his eyes as he walked past him to sit at the other corner of the couch, grabbing the idle bottle of beer that was waiting for him and uncapping it with the edge of the table. "You're not dragging me to one of your fucking gay bars again, are you? Because man! they were fucking me with their eyes last time, I felt violated."

Benny laughed shortly, "Is that any different to how you look at girls?" he teased just for fun.

Dean sat up straight in a defensive manner, pointing a finger towards Benny, "I don't strip them with a glance like that, I simply... look."

"If you say so," Benny grinned sarcastically and kept drinking his beer.

To be honest it was an unfair accusation, yes Dean loved women but he never made them feel uncomfortable or observed in a lewd manner unless they showed interest. So what if he sometimes 'appreciated' their curves with a little bit of interest? At least he didn't have the blown up pupils of a predator lurking for a victim, and also... it was the girls who usually made their own moves to catch his eyes. The way the crossed their legs towards him, or moved their hips when they knew Dean was watching, or licked their lips like they begged to be kissed. It didn't happen _all the time_ but calling it a 98% was probably accurate, and Dean only took advantage of those invitations. He wasn't the predator if he was being lured.

"So what exactly are we waiting for?" Dean asked after sipping more of his beer and ignoring the remembrance of the countless women that have had him in the sac, he really didn't need a boner before actually getting with a girl.

 "Your friend Ash is the one who asked us out. We're waiting for him."

"Of course he did."

Benny rolled his eyes and pushed his cigarette off on the ashtray, "He's right you know, just because you don't like the whole 'happy birthday to you' doesn't mean we can't use it as an excuse to get wasted."

"Alright, whatever, but if he gets me another Apple Store gift card, I'm going to kill him for real."

"I think he learned his lesson last time," when they got into a heated debate over music, where Ash vehemently defended his posture on technological advances and banned CD records as obsoletes, not even mentioning tapes; Dean on the other hand argued that the only _'real'_ music predated the CDs, and that anything that had to be purchased online didn't match the excitement of having it in your hands. Thankfully the whole fight ended when Benny called Dean a primitive animal and educated him about AC/DC and Led Zeppelin albums being available online, and shutting Ash's mouth by telling him that tapes and CDs were evolutionary steps towards his beloved digital music and that it had to be appreciated. They never reached an agreement but they never brought the topic up again either.

"Wasn't it easier to just meet there?" Dean asked after finishing off his beer and taking one of Benny's cigarettes.

"Oh no, we're driving his car." Benny said slowly, already preparing himself for Dean's shouting.

"Dude, my baby can fit us all better"

"I agree but the last time we took your car, you went off with some girl and left us there. We had to take a fucking cab."

Dean tilted his head and pursed his lip into an abashed grimace, admitting his guilt in that little escapade. "It was worth it though, she was a gymnast."

Benny closed his eyes and lightly shook his head, "I don't need details."

Dean coughed a laugh, letting a harsh cloud of smoke —from the cigarette that he was just lighting up— fly right into his face. "So it's fine when you tell me how big your date's cock was, but if I mention a gymnast it's _too much detail_? I call it double standards."

"The difference is that you don't imagine me with them," Benny replied, his voice confident and accusatory. Dean immediately caught the implication behind that statement. They had discussed it several times before. His face turned glacial and he had to turn his face away with the excuse of blowing smoke into a different direction. Benny studied the other man's reaction quickly —from the tension in his shoulders to the small fist his hands built— then quickly spoke again, "I thought you were not uncomfortable anymore."

"I'm not!" Dean said defensively, a little louder than necessary yet without turning to face his friend. "It's just... you don't have to fucking mention it ag-"

"Alright," Benny cut him off, "I'll try not to do it again."

That had been the first issue that Dean had with Benny when they first moved in together —or rather, when Dean had to ask for refuge in Benny's apartment— because the latter didn't take long to state openly that he was gay; then later that same day tried to make a move on Dean. For the first couple of days it had been uncomfortable to stay in the same room with him but Dean didn't have much of a choice since the house was basically the only available place close to Sam's college, the rent was also cheaper than most places because of rent control, **and** most importantly it gave each of the Winchester brothers an independent room. Eventually though, they sat down to talk (with some beers and cigarettes in the mix) about the little misunderstanding, which Dean let go as best as he could. It wasn't the end of it of course, because Benny kept ogling him if the chance arose and even though Dean was fairly used to be the eye-candy for many people... the fact was that he normally only noticed it when those  _'people'_ were strictly women which he would later take to bed.

Now months had passed, and Benny turned out to be one of his best friends, at least when the innocent jokes about Benny's attraction for him were not so direct. So the whole tension was down to almost nothing. Nevertheless, Dean couldn't help but feel slightly uncomfortable when it happened.

Ash arrived like a blessing from the Heavens, because the last thing they all needed that night was some stupid tension to get in between their plans, and the klaxon right in front of the apartment, quickly brought the boys' minds back to track.

"Why don't we just play it safe and go to The Roadhouse?" Dean grumbled when they were at the door.

"There's barely anyone new to meet there."

"That's the point!" Dean exclaimed, suddenly not interested in hooking up anymore.

Benny sighed and stopped at the porch, briefly turning around towards Dean, "If you can convince Pamela, have it your way."

 _Awesome_ , Dean sarcastically thought as he peeked inside the house again, "Sammy, you sure you don't wanna come?"

A low voice echoed from the back of the house, "I told you I need to get this thesis done by the end of the month. I can't go."

Dean shrugged before shutting the door closed, locking it from the outside before heading to the street to jump into Ash's 70's Buick. Dean cursed for having to sit in the back, but Pamela was riding shotgun. Dean's night was starting off with the wrong foot if he had to ride on the backseat. Even worse when Pamela didn't change her mind about this new bar opening downtown.

 

* * *

 

 _Ben Rama, trash people  
No sex, no sex for Ben Rama now  
Ben Rama, trash people  
_No sex, no sex for Ben Rama

The club called Purgatory greeted Cas and Lucas with the kind of beat that makes you want to start dancing whether you know how to or not. Rhythmic percussion with cowbell, electric bass enhancing the beat and the synthesizer giving a funky electro sound. Cas already liked the place because of the music, and the booths rounding the dancefloor, and the large hut-like station that served as the bar at the center of the whole room. Lucas grabbed Cas' hand to lead the way towards the bar, where they had to swim through the crowd of dancing bodies to get some drinks; and since they had taken a small detour to a convenience store (for a pre-party bottle of vodka and extra money from the cash register) to ingest some more ecstasy before reaching the bar, Cas was already high enough to start dancing to the song while they walked. He pulled Lucas' hand to spin him around and plant a kiss on him just out of impulse, the cocaine getting the worst out of him by driving his hand towards Lucas' crotch and into his pants.

Their interaction wasn't long because Lucas pushed away a minute later to lean next to Cas' face to be audible through the loud song, "This place's full breeders," he scream-talked into the other guy's ear.

Cas didn't stop dancing as he replied with the same volume, "So what? is not like they can kick us out." He pressed his body closer to the other man just to make a point.

He felt a warm chuckle into his neck before Lucas spoke again, "Why don't we get hammered first?"

"Alright," Cas lowered his tone a little bit and stepped away with some disappointment noted in his voice. Lucas was about to turn around to keep making his way to the bar before Cas grabbed him again, "Get me a beer," and then started dancing more blatantly. He wasn't going to change his mind about dancing just because his current partner wasn't in the mood.

Lucas looked at him confused, before shaking his head in defeat and walking away.

 _No-oh  
No-oh  
No Sex for Ben!  
No-oh  
_No-oh

Cas' movements were gracious in a poetic way, slow and seductive like they had been scripted in detail for some TV show that had every single one of the actor's expressions well planned. He was dancing alone but somehow the stroboscopic lights made it look like he was the one having the best time on the dancefloor. His entrance was mostly insignificant except for the fact that he'd kissed another guy. Perhaps they didn't notice just how obscene their touches had been, but those who had the bad luck of turning around to look at that exaggerated scene, had gone wide-eyed at the hands that dug into each other's pants as the kiss turned more heated.

One of those people had been Dean.

Ash was bragging some more about the meeting with the rector that lead to his imminent expulsion from the MIT, and of course Dean was trying to pay attention to him like any good friend would but he simply couldn't find the interest in it while he was trying not to kill someone for dragging him into this club instead of The Roadhouse. He didn't like any of the music played in the background, or the 'classy' people that were overdressed for a simple drunk night, or the all-male staff at the bar, or the goddamn drinks that couldn't have a normal name, or the lack of beer in their menu. He had been idly looking around to find a suitable excuse to shout _'Let's just get the hell out of here'_ to his friends. Instead he ended up watching a pair of guys holding hands, making their entrance wearing dirty worn-out clothes that contrasted drastically with the rest of the crowd.

Dean's eyes remained on the couple for a bit of distraction from his boredom. He watched as one of them started dancing and suddenly pulled the other one into a kiss, it wouldn't have been that outstanding if it wasn't for the whole groping thing; and yet Dean didn't stop watching, now a little bit amused, while the couple split and that lonely guy started dancing by himself like it was not a big deal. Dean would never admit it to anyone (not even himself) but he was appreciating those soft calculated moves with an unexpected fascination —given that this was a guy instead of a girl—, although Dean attributed that curiosity to the fact that he secretly wished he could dance as smooth as that guy.

His staring was interrupted when a pair of blue eyes met his own. It was only a brief moment in which this freelance dancer smiled at him in the same way some girls did, except that this time Dean frowned instead of winking. The blue-eyed guy kept dancing, not even hiding that he was now showing off for Dean who simply turned around to complain to Benny about gay bars once again.

"I've never heard of this club before," Benny replied to his friend's complains, "How the hell was I supposed to know?" But the fact that there were gay guys here, spiced it up a little bit for Benny. He followed Dean's previous gaze to look at the guy he was talking about, dancing alone and glancing their way, then Benny grinned to himself. "Well congrats mate, your gaydar's getting better."

Cas' eyes darted from the light-haired guy to the bearded one and he subtly grinned in some sort of non-verbal agreement to meet up for sex later on.

Benny responded with the same grin, while Dean avoided to look back at all costs, and instead he cast a bitchface at his friend before grunting, "I don't have a gaydar, bitch." He just happened to see the public manhandle at the dancefloor.

Benny laughed at the same time he stood up from his seat, "You don't have to be gay to have a gaydar." He looked back to where his future conquest awaited, but somehow the guy had disappeared into the crowd and Benny had to scan the whole bar to find him again.

"Where are you going compadre?" Ash called, sipping on his beer. Benny didn't bother to answer, simply patted Dean's shoulder as a silent ' _catch up with you later'_ way then started making his way to the bar.

"Where do you think?" Dean answered in Benny's behalf with a cocky tone, "He's a bloodsucker who just found his next victim."

 

Meanwhile, after having fun of making people uncomfortable, Cas decided to meet up with Lucas again at the bar. The light-haired guy was going to be really hard to seduce, if Cas ever managed to get close to him at some point in the night; the other guy though, was practically stripping him off already, and in all fairness he was better looking than Cas' current companion. Seemed like it was worth a shot, but not before he could get at least a beer before getting over with the whole _'this was fun but I think it's time to part ways'_ speech for Lucas. Cas actually had a script for that talk although he guessed it was going to be less annoying than with average people. Lucas was like him... almost... kind of. Free spirited and no strings attached whatsoever, someone who understood that their little partnership was bound to end sooner rather than later. Nothing but a random, convenient, adventurous encounter.

When Cas reached the bar, Lucas proved him right as he was already flirting with a girl. On the bar, next to Lucas, there was a drink waiting for Cas —and apparently that guy had some serious issues with his ears if he thought that what looked like a Margarita was a beer— he was disappointed with the choice but he guessed that this was all this place had to offer. "Hey Cas," the man greeted when Cas sat down on the free seat to his right; the younger guy waved a hand at the girl, she looked at Cas with lustful eyes, just the same look she had when looking at Lucas, "Roxanna here was suggesting a threesome," Lucas voiced excitedly, wiggling his brows before leaning into Cas' ears, "and she's got a lot of coke."

 

Usually, Cas wouldn't have declined the proposal, but he was already getting tired of Lucas and wanted to move on to the next in line. That bearded guy from before. "I think I'll pass," he spoke loud enough to be heard over the new song that was playing in the background, then he took a sip from his glass. At least it was alcohol.

"You sure? If memory serves, you don't have anything left in your pocket."

Cas didn't have to palm his pocket to know it was true. They had already taken all the drugs they had been carrying with them. But that had never been a problem for Cas, "I'll get more." Because he always found ways to get them wherever he went.

Lucas turned towards the girl and whispered something into her ear before turning back to Cas. The girl stood up but stayed next to Lucas, holding his hand to pull him up. "We'll be three blocks away if you change your mind. Room 27 apparently," Lucas offered, knowing that look in Cas' eyes meant that they were not going to see each other again, then he also stood up, slapping a couple of bucks on the counter before following the girl outside the bar.

 _You should stay right now  
 _You should stay right now_  
_ You should stay right now

Cas mindlessly waved him off before taking his whatever-the-fuck-that-drink-was-called and spun around to look at the table from before. He expected that he could still catch a glimpse of the super attractive guy who was ogling him for a moment; or the other guy who had no problem eye-fucking from one corner to the other. He was glad to see that the latter was already walking towards him. He had very short hair, which Cas didn't really find attractive, but the messy, short boxed beard and light blue eyes made up for it. Cas smiled brightly at him when they were only steps away from each other.

"Looks like you just got dumped," Benny teased as he sat down on the seat that Lucas had previously been using.

Cas shrugged nonchalantly, his fake smile still in place, "I suppose we can do something about it."

Benny chuckled briefly, "And they say gay people are promiscuous."

Cas sipped on his glass before he made an unnecessary approach by leaning in closer, resting his hand on Benny's knee for support, "I guess we are." Even though Cas wasn't strictly **gay** , he just wasn't interested in starting up a debate over his inconclusive sexuality.

The song was beating with an electronic sound, thought it induced a feeling for sexual advances else instead of just dancing... or perhaps it was the ecstasy that was starting to kick in, but it was the kind of song that invites to press your body against someone else and move slowly around the room until you both land on the bed with lustful, hungry rush. Benny seemed to be trapped in the same music-induced reverie as he kept glancing down at Cas' lips.

"Your _boyfriend_ won't get mad?" Cas inquired casually, nodding towards the table where Benny was sitting before.

Benny frowned lightly before closing the distance between their mouths, leaving only inches between them where their breaths could tease one another as they spoke. "I don't have a boyfriend."

 _Could it be a feeling  
 _Could it be a feeling_  
_ Could it be a feeling

Cas smirked. He knew the tactic of leaning in for a kiss but letting the other party take the last step; it was just a subconscious gameplay for dominance, and Cas was no one's bitch, "You wanna dance?" he asked instead, keeping his eyes locked with Benny's. The other man looked down at those lips once more before giving a low-voiced  _'okay'_ in response, to which Cas quickly pushed himself up from his chair and pulled Benny's wrist towards the nearest open space they could find on the dancefloor.

 

Dean had never really seen his friend flirt with another guy at a bar —mostly because they never frequented the same type of bars— so he had been distracting himself from the conversation at his table, by watching Benny flirting with the stranger. After all, Ash and Pamela fighting, then kissing, then fighting again wasn't really that fun to watch. He noticed a lot of overdramatic moves in Bennys partner's movements, like the way he had placed his hand on Benny's knee for support, his head had tilted slightly, his hips had perched to the edge of the stool with a rhythmic roll, his back had arched slowly... okay so maybe Dean was looking far too much into those details, but the music did nothing but enhance those little tips that told him that the flirtation between his friend and the stranger was going to lead to another night when Dean sure as hell would sleeping with his headphones on.

Dean grabbed his large glass of soda —because he refused to drink anything that had the word 'martini' on it, or any name that didn't indicate it would get him drunk— pretending to be fishing for some girl to pick up, when in reality he kept glancing at the two guys while they danced to the last minute of the slow-dance kind of song, more out of boredom than curiosity. Dean was straight as an arrow, that much was clear to him because he'd never felt attracted to another guy before ( **ever** ) but still, he had a certain curiosity as to how a gay couple worked. Those questions started after he moved in with Benny, somehow the topic about sexual orientation came up and Dean had to admit he was a bit concerned when Sam interjected by saying something about 'heteronormativity'. The term threw him off a little bit until his brother explained the basics of how straight people usually associated their gender roles into gay couples. The way Dean understood was that he tried to look for a "woman" and a "man" into a gay couple, so when he saw how Benny put his hands on Cas' waist while he put his hands around Benny's neck, Dean knew he was doing exactly what Sam was talking about.

It did nothing but increase his curiosity in the name of science, so he kept looking at Benny and Cas dance to see if he found any other similarities to a straight couple; and had to roll his eyes and turn his attention back to Ash and Pamela when Benny caught Cas' mouth with his own. "Does that mean Benny is the _top..._ or whatever?" He asked Pamela, because Ash was just too distracted touching her ass.

"What?" Pamela tilted her head in Dean's direction, strategically giving Ash more space to kiss her neck.

Dean pointed towards Benny. In Dean's mind, the guy always put his hands on the girl's waist, the girl always put her hands on the guy's shoulders. Which was pretty much the position Cas and Benny were in.

Pam followed the directions to find their friend hooking up with a handsome stranger and smiled brightly at Dean. "Not necessarily, dumb ass. Benny is taller, that way they fit better I guess." Dean nodded without really understanding how they 'fit better' when it would be less uncomfortable to have their hands on a spot easier to reach instead of entangling themselves like that.

"Is our Dean finally going bi-curious on his twenty-fifth birthday?" Ash asked through Pam's hair.

"Fuck off" Dean shouted with fake anger, "I'm just bored," he complained like a little boy that wasn't allowed to eat ice cream after diner.

"There're plenty o' girls here, Dean. Go fish." Pamela said before leading her tequila sunrise up to her mouth; then she immediately regretted saying that.

All of Dean's friends were aware that he didn't hook up with anyone on his birthday. It was just a depressing day to him for no apparent reason, and he just preferred to sulk in his bedroom with a six-pack unless they managed to (as good as forcefully) drag him outside. Most of the times they only managed to throw a mini-party at their apartment, but today Benny had been more influential and convinced him to go to a _'bar'_... if this friggin joint could be called that. Ash and Pamela had started to think that maybe something was going on between the two roommates, though the only real reason Dean listened to Benny was that they had experienced a lot of the same shit in their respective pasts. It was hard to compete with that kind of mutual understanding. But hey, at least Dean was a thousand times more open-minded than he was two years ago.

"You know... dance a little bit," Pamela quickly added as to not being misinterpreted. "Have some fun."

"I prefer not to make a fool of myself, if you don't mind," Dean sarcastically replied, not even noticing that the song had changed until he felt a hand on his shoulder.

"So what are you girls talking about?" Benny called while offering his seat to his new victim.

_Boy, don't you know, take it slow_   
_Work it hard take it far_   
_Boy, don't you know, take it slow_   
_Work it hard take it far_

Cas sat down next to the light-haired guy and grabbed the drink that Benny pointed as his. There was a small shoulder bump when that guy turned around to look up at Benny; his eyes landed on Cas instead who lifted his eyes to meet the glance when he felt that warm feeling of contact with the other man. It wasn't electric, it wasn't magic or a revelation, it wasn't special like Cas heard on the radio hours ago; the only thing he felt was the innate physical attraction than anyone in his position would. But then again, nothing was really special in Cas' life anymore, and to be honest, the guy was totally out of his league not to mention straight. He still wiggled his eyebrows once towards the guy, as a greeting, and the other guy just smirked at him in the friendliest way he could before shooting a glance at Benny.

"Cas this is Dean," Benny slapped the man's shoulder to point him out, then he pointed at the odd couple across the table. "Ash and Pamela."

"Hello," Cas said to everyone, in what Dean thought was the most socially awkward tone he'd ever heard.

"We're celebrating Dean's birthday," Ash replied, taking his attention off of Pamela for just a second to look at the newcomer.

_Boy, I can see it in your face, you're all over the place_   
_Can you stand up straight for me, yeah_   
_Get it back on track if you want me back_   
_Do the sweet talk for me_

Cas made a surprised face while he turned back to look at Dean, he never knew what to say in occasions like those. He didn't like birthdays, he had his own reasons that extended beyond the typical _'I'm getting older'_ excuse that some shallow people used, but mostly he thought it was pointless to make a party over it. He wasn't judgmental though, and accepted that most people liked to celebrate it, so he said the only thing he though was appropriate, "I don't have a present," his voice matched the apologetic look in his eyes. Eyes that wouldn't stop looking straight into Dean's.

Everyone laughed at the random statement —including Dean for the first time since they entered the club—, Dean liked the guy already, it wasn't a secret that he always preferred friends with a good sense of humor and a relaxed don't-give-a-shit attitude, so he slapped Cas' shoulder, "How 'bout you buy the next round?" He joked, but his hand lingered on the other guy's shoulder, shaking it lightly like he was daring him to actually do it.

It was a joke to everyone but to the oblivious Cas who smiled brighter at the sign of friendship. He was thankful that he stole some money earlier with Lucas (and that he was smart enough to keep a share of the loot to himself) because why not spend it in alcohol? Everyone was surprised when he spoke again, "Alright, but how about we drink real alcohol instead?" He shot a glance at the glasses on the table. Some had limes on it, some were fluorescent, and they all had straws to drink from. "I'll buy beer, not this supercilious brew."

Pamela rolled her eyes (she was the one suggesting the club, actually), Ash shouted a _'hell yeah'_ and Benny just chuckled. "Seems like someone else finally agrees with party-boy over there," Pamela said while getting up from Ash's lap with an air of disapproval.

"Thanks, man," Dean whispered to Cas. "You're a life-saver." The only reason he had been stuck in there was because no one else wanted to leave. At least Benny had to be on his side now if he ever wanted to get lucky with the other guy. So he smiled gratefully to Cas and finally brought his hand back to his side.

Cas chuckled and watched Dean's hand leave his shoulder, "It's not that bad... I had fun and I got to know you." He saved himself from that lame-ass statement by looking around the table, to point out that he was talking about all of them, not just Dean. Yeah, that was better. Apparently Dean was either very oblivious to it, or he didn't actually give a shit, because he just nodded without losing his cordial grin.

"So you know any places?" Benny asked, not really wanting to leave the bar but not really having a choice either.

Cas made a brief pouting grimace, rubbing his hand behind his neck, and looking around the table; finally shaking his head negatorily, "I'm new here."

Dean sounded a little bit more excited than intended when he raised his voice, "Then we'll show you the best bar in town."

 

* * *

 

Dean hated Benny.

Dean hadn't known him _that_ long to be honest, but he never took him for a trickster before that night. It just had to be a birthday prank. Because what else could explain the way Cas was looking at him on the backseat of Ash's car?

Benny had pointedly sat in between them, and as soon as Ash started driving away, Benny and Cas started making out right next to Dean. Now Dean never found that awkward, and the fact that they were two guys was no real difference for Dean really. It had all been good and fine until Benny started going down to Cas' neck, and the new arrangement allowed Dean and Cas to look at each other. Dean tried not to pay attention to him at all, but those blue eyes were too intense, even when Dean was looking away he could feel the height of that gaze upon his shoulders and inevitably turned around more than one time to meet it.

The good news was that Cas' moans and groans couldn't be heard over the song that was blasting from Ash's stereo. The bad news was that the song —which was admittedly one of Dean's favorites— was now ruined because of the soundtrack it provided to the scene.

_You've been learnin', baby, I've been yearnin',_   
_All them good times, baby, baby, I've been yearnin',_   
_Way, way down inside honey, you need it,_   
_I'm gonna give you my love... I'm gonna give you my love._

Cas' eyes were hungry and filled with lust when they exchanged looks. Now that they were closer and in a more favorable light, Dean could notice that he looked high because of the blown pupils... though it could easily be attributed to Benny's mouth. And yet Cas kept smirking at him and scanning him up and down like he wanted Dean to join in and kiss him too. Dean frowned again and looked away with the excuse of finding out how far they were from The Roadhouse.

Benny rolled Cas onto his lap for some grinding, Cas snooped smoothly on top of him without losing a beat in touching each other, but the motion had caused an accidental clash with Dean, who was already pressed against the door to avoid getting in touch with the hornballs next to him. "Sorry," Benny mouthed towards Dean but quickly went back to kiss Castiel's neck.

_Wanna whole lotta love?_   
_Wanna whole lotta love?_   
_Wanna whole lotta love?_   
_Wanna whole lotta love?_

Dean couldn't stop himself from turning around to glare at his friend, but instead caught a glimpse of Cas' hips revealed underneath the flannel shirt that started coiling upwards thanks to the groping. His eyes shot up right away, and Cas was just looking at him again, this time Dean wasn't sure if that look was embarrassed, apologetic, disappointed or simply discomforted with the position he was in —with his back bent awkwardly to fit into the small car, with his legs not really finding a place to support him or his arms knocking over the headboards of the front seats—, Dean couldn't decipher that expression. It wasn't that same lustful look anymore.

Which sort of explained why he pushed Benny down on the seat with a cocky remark, "How impatient," Cas murmured with a fake smirk before rolling back onto his side of the car.

Dean didn't imagine the guy was one for backing out on public sex, but was thankful that the homemade gay porn happening right on his face was coming to an end. He breathed out more calmly now. And just out of politeness he tried to look at Cas to see if the guy was okay or he just wanted to dart out of the car and go back to wherever the fuck he came from. However, Cas was looking outside his window.

 

They finally arrived and found a table at The Roadhouse, Benny excused himself to go to the bathroom as soon as he put his jacket on the chair he claimed for himself, leaving Dean alone with Ash and Pamela (already making out like they were about to fuck right there) and Cas (that kept looking around like a lost puppy trying to identify where he was).

Dean was convinced Benny was playing a joke on him with Cas because... well he was more than accustomed to promiscuity, but Cas had came into the club with a guy, right? So why exactly was he there now, alone, with total strangers? Besides... the whole _'let's get down to business in the car'_ act didn't actually play out. Benny could've paid the guy to... what? Play Benny's date while flirting with Dean? Perhaps Benny touching him that obscenely wasn't part of the initial deal and Cas just improvised a turn down.

"So..." Dean began, trying to bring down Benny's plan. "Where did you leave your _friend_?"

Cas was surprised that Dean was actually trying to make conversation with him. Clearly the small game of innocent flirtation back at the car had made the other guy very uncomfortable. And to be honest Cas was already making assumptions about Dean. Stereotypical straight macho man that had no tendencies to bend his sexuality one inch, pretending to be okay with the whole gay thing but deep down wanted to stay away as far as possible (if the way he kept frowning at Cas in disapproval was anything to go by). Cas wasn't usually scared of homophobes, nor did he care for what they thought of him, but there was something about Dean that made Cas stop on his track with Benny. He realized now the mistake he made, he could've continued making out with the bearded guy, it wasn't like Dean was suddenly going to decide that he wanted to fuck him that night. Cas shouldn't have any expectations about that.

But hormones + drugs + super hot guy = sexually frustrated Cas.

Despite what he thought about Dean, he wasn't one to judge people over their ideals or to just look like a hurt teenager being turned down by their crush, so he decided not to ignore Dean's question. He simply shrugged to point out he didn't really know, and he didn't really care about his _friend_. "I'm guessing he's in a crappy hotel room, being ripped off by a pompous hooker."

Dean chuckled, assuming it was a joke, but then Cas' face was... somehow serious about it and while Dean couldn't actually read the guy just yet, it wasn't that hard either to differentiate that druggy smile from the serious flat lips. "And that doesn't bother you?"

Cas decided to avoid eye contact as to not make the other man uncomfortable (it had been enough of that for the night), so he turned around to look at Dean and frowned in the same way Dean had been doing all along, "Why should it bother me? I didn't know him."

Dean was getting more and more convinced that this was a prank. The guy was a terrible liar that couldn't make up a believable alibi or hadn't even plan it out that well with Benny before actually doing this. "So you just walked into a club holding hands with a guy you don't know."

Cas lowered his head a little bit while he chuckled, "And then I got into a car with four people I don't know. You see a pattern?"

Okay so maybe Dean wasn't so convinced, Cas was actually a mystery. "So you don't know Benny?"

"Not yet," Cas replied cockily, a small flare of arrogance showing in his eyes when he mentally translated _'knowing Benny'_ into _'fucking him tonight'_.

"Come on Dean," Pamela —who was impossibly good at overhearing stuff even when she was busy— spoke from her spot on Ash's lap, "give the guy a break from the witch hunt."

"It's not like you haven't done that," Ash complemented.

"First of, I'm getting to know the guy. And second, I never get into anyone's car, that's why I got my baby," Dean glared at his friends before turning back to Cas to see if there was any sign of discomfort from him. Maybe Dean **was** prying too much.

Perhaps it was just the drugs, or the fact that the interaction between the three friends was comical, but Cas started laughing before he could process Dean's statement. ' _Getting to know me',_  Cas repeated to himself. "We don't have to know each other," Cas said quietly; he just assumed this was the first and last time they'd see each other anyway, and not even in the way Cas wished.

Dean wasn't sure if that was meant as an insult, or a rude way of telling him to back off from the questions. One thing was for sure now though: with that attitude, this wasn't a prank on him. He shrugged before grunting "Whatever," and taking his phone out to text Sam just to make sure his brother didn't turn the house into a college party mess in their absence... and also to look busy.

After Benny got back from the bathroom, the night went out smoother. Cas did pay for the first round of beers like he promised and then spent 15 minutes telling a story about how he once walked into a bondage club for bears, giving unnecessarily explicit details that scarred Dean for life about the leather masks and instruments scattered around. According to Cas, he left the bar after 1 minute flat, although Dean wasn't sure about that if the guy's expression was anything to go by. The rest of the table seemed quite amused with Cas because of the way he could easily talk blatantly about any topic no matter how awkward some people could find them; also he had interesting inputs to whatever the crowd was talking about.

No one seemed to have a problem with the guy except for Dean. Or maybe the awkward tension between the two of them was just a product of his imagination; but he could have sworn that everytime their eyes met, Cas turned away instantly and pulled Benny in for a sloppy kiss, and whenever Dean joined the conversation with some cocky replies, Cas stayed quiet or would randomly laugh to himself. Either way, by the end of the night they had barely exchanged words at all. And Dean was actually glad.

 

* * *

 

Hangovers didn't form part of Dean's vocabulary, the guy had a lifetime of experience with alcohol to know when to stop... or some little tricks to get over the procedural slumber that follows a long night of drinks. There was still something that replaced the hangover though, and that night was no different from the rest. After they got home from The Roadhouse —everyone pretty damn wasted to the point where they had no idea how Ash managed to drive them back—, Dean crashed on the sofa as soon as they got in, followed by Benny and Cas that made their way to Benny's room without taking their hands off each other. It was the first time Dean saw his friend coming home with a guy, though it certainly wasn't the first time he'd **heard** them. That's why he preferred to sleep on the couch.

Around 5 a.m. Dean woke up heavy-breathing and cold-sweating, a gasp escaped his mouth as soon as he opened his eyes and his body violently shot up to sit down. Another bad night, another nightmare. This was the only reason he wanted to stop drinking; ironically it was the reason that got him into alcohol consumption in the first place. He was thankful that it didn't happen every night, but it still frustrated him not being able to shut it off completely. One thing was for sure though, that whenever he got drunk it was just easier to wake up from the nightmares before it got more gory than he could handle.

He rubbed his forehead to wipe the sweat from his face while he considered going back to sleep. That wasn't going to happen, and he knew it. So instead of plopping down on the couch again, he stood up and walked through the darkness and into the kitchen to grab a beer. He needed to feel slumber again before he could fall back to sleep anyway.

The apartment was dead silent except for the occasional noise of wind blowing the tree leaves with a soothing melody. Dean was now sitting at the breakfast table at the back of the apartment, looking outside the window into the calmness of night, until he was interrupted by the soft sound of footsteps coming down the hallway from one of the bedrooms. Dean stayed quiet, wanting to see who it was before he said anything.

Cas came into the open space of the apartment, the big rectangle that contained both the living room and the kitchen at the same time. He had instantly loved the apartment as soon as he had the chance to look at it, he had to admit that (despite never dreaming of settling down in an apartment) this would be the kind of place he'd want for himself. It was bigger than he expected the two guys would be able to afford, so he guessed they either had good connections or just overpaid jobs. In either case, despite how welcoming the place was, he just couldn't spend the night there.

So he was trying to sneak out like he'd done many times before, except he didn't expect the gruff voice coming from the back of the kitchen, "Not even staying for breakfast?" Dean grunted.

Cas jumped startled before turning around to face the man. He shot a careless grin that made his white teeth flash in the middle of the room, "You caught me."

Dean slapped the half-empty bottle of beer onto the wooden table. He recognized the classic walk of shame, _'Been there done that'_ , he thought before chuckling briefly, "Guess you're not made for morning afters either," he teased.

 _Either_. That was the keyword for Cas. "Takes one to know one," he teased back. He wasn't moving anymore, just waiting to see what Dean had to say for the little intervention.

Dean simply nodded, letting his cocky smile fade, "So you're going back to your _friend_?" Dean inquired, not really interested in getting the whole story but he guessed Benny would like to hear an explanation later on.

"No." Frankly, Cas had no idea where he was going. He never did. But it had been at least 7 hours since the last time he snorted cocaine, and about 4 hours since he was thizzing and he needed some drug to help him deal with coming down from that hype. "I have other things to do," he lied, giving the most vague excuse in the history of excuses.

"At five in the morning?" Dean huffed a half-laugh, he didn't want to pry in the guy's life or whatever crap he _'had to do'_ so early but he had lived most of his life in that city. Walking alone in the dark streets was not smart at all, and the other guy even said he was new in town so maybe Dean's older brother instinct just wanted to prevent him from blundering into one of those dangers. Dean noticed for the second time in the night that there was something off about Cas; he could now rationalize why Cas had such smooth moves when dancing at the club hours ago, he was high, and Dean was familiar with that shit. "Look man, why don't you sleep it off first and then go around your day as usual?"

Cas wasn't twitching, or swinging like a fucking drunk, but he wasn't standing straight nor looking at anything in particular, his eyes were just... there. And when Dean offered him to stay, he finally decided to move by taking a step away from the kitchen and closer to the door. "I appreciate the offer, but..." he took a deep breath, deciding to give an honest reply that would get him out of there, "I don't want to stay."

Dean leaned back, resting his back flat against the backboard of his chair. "You know, Benny might look all Bill Paxton but I usually see him sticking up with the same guy three or four times at least."

Cas laughed, looking away. "Good for him," he said almost too sarcastic, "But I'm not like that, so if you worry about what you're going to say, just tell him I'm a mess," he shot a glance back at Dean, his blue eyes shining brightly in the dim moonlight coming through the windows, "Improvise, I don't know." He stayed there, unsure of what to do because Dean was right about one thing, Cas was doomed if he got out of there right now, but it had just been instinct to stay up until he heard Benny's breathing go even so he could sneak out. That's what he was used to, and it worked for him.

"Hey I'm not here to do your dirty work," Dean tried to scold him but he wasn't really in the mood to be a jerk so his tone came out as a tease.

Cas nodded, looking around the room for nothing in particular, just anything that wasn't Dean sitting there and telling him (without realizing) that Cas just had to face consequences of his actions. "And it's not an imposition if I stay?" he inquired just a bit more inclined to accept the offer.

Dean shook his head, unsure of what Cas meant. "An imposition?" he repeated.

"Well... I believe I've made you uncomfortable tonight." Great, just great, he was coming down from the ecstasy and was speaking without filters. There was nothing Cas hated more than not being able to think his words through more carefully to shield his thoughts.

"So that's what this is all about?" Dean stood up slowly, "What you think I'm some kind of homophobe or something?"

"It wouldn't be the first time it happens," Cas answered quickly, rubbing a hand over his tired eyes to shut himself up, failing miserably.

Dean didn't have a personal experience with that kind of discrimination, so it was a big lie to say he understood why Cas wanted to back off. He didn't know what the other guy had been through but that simple statement —and the deeper voice in which it was spoken in— was giving him a little more insight on Cas' reasoning. Dean was more or less familiar with homophobia because of Benny; going out with him occasionally lead to some confrontations with bigots that called them fags. It never escalated more than violent words being exchanged, but Dean was very much aware that it could get physical for some people, he could only guess that Cas had had it worse before.

"Well I'm not," Dean said, careful not to sound like an idiot when it came to this topic. "I wouldn't be living here if I was." Was that homophobic? Dean could go mad if he kept overthinking his words. "I'm just saying, Benny brought you here, you're welcome to stay, but I'm not your mom so do whatever you want."

 _You're welcome to stay_. Cas could count with one single hand the times he'd been told something like that. Not just that, the tone in Dean's voice was compassionate not pityful, and it made Cas feel like the invitation was honest. "Thank you, Dean."

It was a heart-shattering noise, the **relief** in those words. But Dean didn't want to delve into that kind of touchy-feely conversation where he could actually _feel_ someone reaching out to him, so he walked past Cas and slapped his shoulder, "No problem," he tried to sound casual but the whole midnight ambiance made him sound more kind-hearted. Then he headed to his own room to conclude his sleep.

After a couple of minutes, Cas laid on the couch where Dean had previously slept on and quickly fell asleep himself.

And Dean didn't have another nightmare that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Songs featured:
> 
> 1\. "Ooh La La" by Goldfrapp  
> 2\. "No Sex for Ben" by The Rapture  
> 3\. "Stay" by Henry Krinle  
> 4\. "Sweet Talk" by Kito & Reija Lee  
> 4\. "Whole Lotta Love" by Led Zeppelin
> 
> P.S.: I know this chapter was very centered around Cas. Next one will have a deeper insight on Dean. Just give it chance? please?


	2. Dialogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Special thanks to [Wildfire6](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Wildfire6) for Beta-reading and helping with the playlist, including songs from the previous chapter. I feel guilty for not crediting her before but here's my shout-out to her. She's been such a great inspiration to continue this fiction as well as pushing me through writer's block, her feedback keeps making me a better writer and improve my ideas; additionally I rely on her characterization of Dean to stay IC as much as possible because she's the best Dean I've ever had the pleasure of RPing with.

 

 

Sam woke up to the clamor of frets being handled carelessly at the kitchen. He had spent the whole night writing page after page of research until his brain was just too exhausted to type another coherent phrase. By the time he turned off his computer, the clock indicated 2:13 a.m. —only half an hour before the guys arrived from their drinking night— so he was allowed to oversleep a little today and didn't appreciate being awoken like that. After getting out of bed and rubbing the slumber off his face, he started walking barefooted with a firm (and slightly upset) pace towards the living room. Most likely Dean was already preparing some post-hangover breakfast but was making too much damn noise, and Sam wasn't a morning person unless he had things to do. It was a freaking Saturday for fucks sake, he wanted some more rest.

His legs froze at the threshold of the hall that lead to the bedrooms, and he actually took a surprised step backwards when he noticed a stranger working with devotion at the kitchenette.

"Who are you?" Sam asked, quickly getting defensive.

Cas turned around to look at the source of such inquisitive, it didn't sound anything to Dean or Benny. Just as confused as the other man was, he tilted his head to look for a proper response. His name was irrelevant to this guy, he was actually asking what Cas was doing there, so for Cas it was only natural to reply "Benny's fuck" with such a casual tone that made the other man grimace a non-verbal _'too much information'_ , it made Cas grin for some reason. "And who are **you**?" his tone was a tad confronting until he got a clearer glance at the tall man in a white undershirt and dark boxer briefs. Cas couldn't help himself and ogled the guy up and down.

Sam could feel his whole body been scanned by the other man, it would've been flattering right now if it hadn't been completely inappropriate coming from the guy that just a few hours ago was fucking his roommate. It wasn't unusual for him to meet Benny's _friends_ the morning after he brought them home, but 98% of the time it was way after Sam woke up and he was dressed in more that just his boxers and a white undershirt that left no part of his body to the imagination. "Uh... Sam... I'm Dean's brother," he said with an uncomfortable tone, not quite sure how to deal with the situation since he'd never been in such position before. Encounters like this just made him regret not getting an in-campus room.

Cas nonchalantly nodded at the information before turning his attention back to the stove. He and Benny had been too busy the previous night to have any kind of conversation relevant to the other inhabitants of the apartment, Cas only knew that Dean lived there too because on their way back from The Roadhouse, Dean made a very poignant plea for them not to be loud (which they failed to comply.) Hearing that this other guy was living there was a surprise considering Dean never mentioned a brother... although in all fairness, he and Dean barely talked that night. "So do you want breakfast?" He asked without taking his eyes off the frying pan, where some eggs and bacon were doing boiling hisses.

Sam would've normally accepted the invitation due to breakfast being a rare occasion in the house —the groceries were always scarce because the three guys were basically broke— but this time he shook his head, "Thanks, but no," he would've wanted to go to sleep but now it would be impossible to close his eyes again so he might as well start off his day with his routinely jogging session. "I think I'm going to go out," he excused himself before taking a step towards the living room.

"See ya," Cas mouthed, not really minding to have one less mouth to feed that morning.

A new set of footsteps intervened on the conversation and stopped Sam from running out, "What's the occasion, Sammy?" Dean's groggy voice echoed while he stepped into the living room, rubbing his sleepy eyes and walking like a zombie being attracted by the smell of meat. When he finally focused his attention on his brother, Sam nodded towards the kitchenette, arms crossed to point out how awkward it had been for him to walk into that scene alone. Dean's eyes followed the indications to find Cas, who once again distracted himself from the stove to greet the newcomer. Dean raised his brows, he hadn't actually expected to see the guy again, he was almost too convinced that their small talk last night was not enough to convince Cas to stay, and more to his surprise was the fact that there was breakfast now. "Cas, what are you doing?"

 _Cas_. Okay, Sam finally had a name. His eyes met Dean's who turned to look at him for some kind of explanation, but Sam merely shrugged and they both looked back to the lonely guy at the kitchen.

"Breakfast, clearly," Cas pointed sarcastically, giving a grin to the two brothers before using a wooden spatula to flip the bacon and eggs.

"Thank you captain obvious, I mean... why?"

None of the three tenants that lived in the apartment had had a stranger cooking for them. Dean never brought girls to the house because he was usually the one going over to them unless they agreed on a hotel. Benny and his fuck buddies usually made their way out of bedroom after another round of morning sex, exchanging brief introductions with the Winchester brothers, then storming out to do whatever crap they could find to entertain themselves out of the bed. And Sam? well... he wasn't like the other two; he wanted a stable relationship before they moved towards sex, Dean would usually call him a girl for his belief in 'waiting until they were both ready', but he was true to that, and he barely had any time to meet a girl when his full life circled around his thesis and degree.

So when Cas said "Because that's what you eat in the morning," both brothers were shocked to see how casual this was for him.

Dean wasted no time and sat down at the table, realizing just now that three sets of plates had already been placed and were just waiting for food to be on them. "Day's starting off good, eh?" he wiggled his eyebrows at his brother and shot him a cocky smile.

 _Of course Dean wouldn't pass on food, he never does_. Sam thought as he shook his head in annoyance at his brother's grin, "I was just about to go for a run. I'll catch up with you later," his eyes quickly swung towards Cas to indicate to Dean that he'd need some more explanation about that guy, and how comfortable Dean seemed to be around him. After Dean waved him away, Sam took off to start his day.

"So wait," Dean raised his voice after a minute of silence, wanting to break the weird situation that it was for him to just sitting quietly at the table like a kid waiting for his mother to feed him, "where did you get all that stuff anyway, we don't have anything."

"I was...  _hungry_ ," Cas replied as he put two more slices of bread in the toaster, "so I went out for _supplies_." Cas was certain that the other man wouldn't notice his cryptic tone, the one he always used when he masked his thoughts and feelings behind an ambiguous statement that wasn't really a lie. Cas didn't like lying. So he always found the right words to speak.

When he had woken up, having slept only three hours after his nightly talk with Dean, his body had started to show off the classic symptoms of withdrawal from Adderall, it had been at least 24 hours since the last time he took a pill and he was already feeling that familiar abdominal pain and nausea —though the latter was quickly attributed to the alcohol. It was hard to know which drug caused what—. His **hunger** had not been for food, and it had been definitely stronger than simple appetite, so he had been almost pulled to the front door as if an ethereal force was summoning him outside and guided him through unknown streets to find a dealer. It had taken him a while to find one that early, but Cas knew the common meeting places for this underworld, parks, bridges, liquor stores, and he had eventually met a man just a few years older than him that had everything he needed: six pills of Adderall and an eightball of cocaine. Luckily he still had money left from the previous night's raid to a store, enough to pay the dealer without having to offer a blowjob for drugs like he had done many times before. Just gross.

After calming his cravings with two pills at once, he had become more aware of what just happened to him the previous night. He was in a new town, he knew nobody and had no place to go; it was normal for him to go around like that without really worrying about the consequences... until he started coming down from the uppers and reality hit him like ice water. Lucas was missing, and Cas' first thought had been to go over to the hotel the other guy mentioned, meet up and go somewhere else, or stay in the hotel, or get more money and drugs to pass out until they could go clubbing again; Lucas was, after all, the only person Cas had at the moment. And then his mind supplied Dean's voice at the back of his head: _'You're welcome to stay here'_. Now, Cas wasn't one to stay at one place for too long, especially with one-night stands like Benny, but the apartment was comfortable and clean (ten times better than his own standards) and provided a safe place to stay just one more day until he could think about his next move.

On his way back to Benny's house, he had ran into a groceries store that was just opening for business, and after checking his pockets to count how much money he had left, he had decided to buy something for breakfast as a payment to the other guys for letting him spend the night in their house. He knew that things don't come by for free, whether it was a hotel room or a crackhouse, he always had to give something in return, and he guessed that this time drugs and sex weren't going to make the cut.

"Cas?" Dean called for a third time, making the other man snap back into reality.

"Yeah, breakfast 's almost ready," he answered to whatever Dean had asked him when he wasn't paying attention.

"Dude you can't be that hungover, you didn't even drink that much," Dean joked noticing how distracted the other guy was, it made Cas chuckle.

"I'm not hungover," he answered dryly while taking the frying pan away from the fire and taking it to the table to serve the breakfast on the three plates.

Dean was about to say something more, but was quickly shut up by the meal that was being served right in front of him. His mouth watered. For some reason it brought a fleeting memory of his earlier years, his dad woke him up for his first day of school and Dean shot out of the bed with too much excitement for his own good. John had already left for work when he went downstairs all dressed up in his school uniform and untied shoes that his mom later helped him do. He sat expectantly at the table as Sam toyed with his plastic spoon on the baby chair, and Dean looked up at Mary when she served him bacon and eggs with the brightest expression on her face.

Cas was grinning at Dean's reaction, the guy's eyes were already devouring the meal before Cas even finished serving it, and it made him just a little self-conscious as to the actual quality of it. He chuckled nervously, "Happy birthday, I guess." Then he proceeded to serve the other two empty plates.

"You know, I would get jealous... if Dean wasn't straight." Benny commented from the hall, his back resting on the wall.

Both Cas and Dean let out an awkward chuckle before Dean glared at his roommate, "Fuck off," and then began eating without letting Benny's constant teasing spoil his breakfast.

"I made some for you too, so shut up and sit down," Cas replied, a nervous smile still in place as he put the now empty pan on the stove and took a sit across from Dean.

Benny walked closer to Cas and kissed his forehead so casual that it made Cas feel weird; he just wasn't used to morning afters like this when there was food instead of pills for breakfast, and the kisses were innocent, gentle greetings instead of raw and lustful demands for sex. Cas faked a smile and subtly pushed Benny into the empty seat next to him.

"You got any plans for today?" Benny started the conversation with Cas before grabbing his fork and picking up a small mouthful from his plate, "I gotta work today," his eyes darted over to Dean for a knowing look.

Benny had an honorable job: waiter at a local diner that was just on the way out of town, it was a quiet place to work at with little to no new customers, only the regulars, the tips were always scarce and the pay wasn't that good. Which didn't exactly explain how he could afford the rent of his apartment. The first time Dean went down to look at the house, he was shocked by how big it was, given the rent that was being asked; then after weeks of moving in and getting to know Benny better, he knew that the other man didn't even need roommates to afford his lifestyle; he just wanted company (and someone to take care of the house while he was gone). Aside from his waiter job that was used as a mere cover-up, he was part of a gang that stole cars for money, sometimes they worked upon request —for example: a spiteful wife that wanted revenge on her cheating husband by making his car disappear— and sometimes they just found a nice antique car to add to the boss' collection. It was far more rewarding than a simple waiter, but also demanded more of his time, like today for example, his boss had been scheduling this job for over a week and Benny couldn't miss it.

"I don't know yet," Cas answered without noticing the wary exchange of looks between Dean and Benny. Cas tried to think back to why he came here. He had been high on cocaine, acid and ecstasy, not the best time to make decisions, and now he was surviving on Adderall and food, the best time to regret those decisions; but if anything made any sense to him was just getting some sleep, and then embrace whatever came next. He shoved a bit of bacon into his mouth, looking at Benny when he realized what his questions meant, "Are you asking me to leave?"

"No," Benny replied quickly but with a calm voice, like he didn't really mind if Cas stayed or not. "I was just asking, you know, if maybe you wanted to hang out later."

Dean had been quiet all along, just trying to stay out of the conversation by eating his breakfast without making any sound. He had been too distraught by Benny's poignant glance that silently asked him for backup if Cas started asking the wrong questions. To this moment it made Dean uneasy having been drawn into Benny's life; he was supposed to be taking care of his little brother and moving in with this criminal wasn't exactly a smart move. But there hadn't been much choices left when they moved in, and now Dean wouldn't have it any other way.

Except when it came to Benny's hookups. That was something that Dean couldn't deal with, and not because he felt uncomfortable around them and their lecherous glances to him, it was because Dean knew that world of endless one-night stands very well, and he could tell that Benny was trying to be part of that club, but the guy never knew when to end it. In the end, Benny cared too much.

That invitation right there proved Dean once again that Benny wasn't the kind of guy who could forget everything the next morning. And given what little Dean knew about Cas, this conversation wasn't going to go very well for either of them. "I'll just eat this in the living room," he excused himself quickly, grabbing his plate and heading over to the couch to distract himself with the TV instead.

Cas waited for Dean to be far enough not to overhear the conversation. As soon as Benny offered to hang out, he knew they had to have **the talk**. Some people would consider him an opportunist because he only stayed close to people that could satisfy his needs —drugs, sex, or in this case a place to stay— but whenever they demanded more than he could give, he ran away. It was his nature, and Cas was just done trying to fight it; he did feel remorse for how he made people feel though, especially when he acted out of impulse instead of thinking things through. In that moment he realized the mistake that was his decision of coming back. _'I should've just gone to the hotel'_ , he thought as he locked eyes with Benny, "Yeah, maybe," he nodded unconvincingly. "I just need to see how the day goes, but... uh... I'll call you."

Benny didn't look thrilled with the answer but to be honest, he wasn't really expecting much from Cas, perhaps just to become another crazy story in the guy's book, or to have one crazy story himself, and one night wasn't enough to cover that. He sighed and nodded back before continuing his breakfast.

A phone ringing in the background interrupted the sudden awkwardness at the table, and Dean answered it fast.

"Well, I could show you around, I mean... you're new in town, right?" Benny talked with a mouthful.

"Yeah, sounds good," Cas replied with less enthusiasm than he meant to, his plate already ignored.

"How long are you staying?"

Cas rolled his eyes, remembering already why he never stuck around for the morning after talk. They always asked questions, they always wanted more, and Cas just didn't care for any of that crap. "I don't know," there was an undertone of irritation in his voice, and Benny tried to shove it off with an apologetic look.

"You don't like to talk," he asserted with sarcasm, "I get it." Benny did understand the whole privacy protection, but despite his own secrets to keep, he was a talker and always had something to say no matter how meaningless it was. Chit chat was better than awkward silences for him. "Well I need to get going, so... I guess you can stay if you want, take a shower or whatever, and I'll be back in a couple of hours." This invitation was less hopeful than the first one though, already assuming that Cas wasn't going to be there when he came back. He stood up, put his empty plate in the sink and went to his room to grab some stuff for the day.

Dean shut off the TV, cursing out loud without meaning for Cas to hear him "Fuck." He ran a hand over his face with an exhausted and annoyed sigh.

"Something wrong?" Cas asked from the kitchen, sitting still on his chair without making an attempt to get up any time soon.

"Work," Dean absentmindedly answered.

Cas frowned in confusion, "I thought you said you didn't have a shift today." He had been paying attention the night before, and although he didn't catch what Dean's job was, he overheard that today he was going to get a day off.

"Yeah well, my boss is a dick." He stood up and without any further explanation, went to his room to get dressed and ready.

 

* * *

 

Dean didn't particularly hate his job. It gave him the opportunity to drive around all day, and most of the times pick up women without having to go to a bar and pay their drinks, but the downside to it was that he could get calls randomly during the day, and on days like this when he was supposed to have a day off, he could get called for duty because he was the only asshole that didn't really have a family to sustain or be with during the weekends, and his boss took advantage of that.

Apparently there was an unusual influx of broken cars today, cars that needed to be towed to a mechanic, and Dean's boss wasn't expecting that much activity, that's why most employees got a day off. Not anymore, clearly, because Dean was being demanded to give up his rest and get his ass to work.

By the time he was ready to go, he walked out of the house. Cas had been there, still in the same place as before and was staring into nothingness like he was contemplating whether he should stick around or leave, but Dean didn't have time to talk to the guy any more, he had said pretty much all he could say the night before, and he was already running late for work. He completely ignored Cas as he stepped out of the house and into his beloved Impala to drive to the garage.

In spite of the supposed overload of work, his day was relaxed. Blasting AC/DC on full volume all day was the only highlight. He had to tow a blue Beetle to the garage, and had a conversation with the sexy owner that had to ride shotgun with him on the way. She looked pretty shy in the beginning when he parked in front of her car and went down to business for paperwork, but as soon as they were driving to the garage, she was a total flirt and Dean couldn't be more thankful to have that little bit of distraction. He got her number right after dropping her off, with a hollow promise to meet up for drinks some day.

Then a second call for a job came in, and Dean was the only one available for it so he had to answer the call regardless of his boss' promise that he wouldn't have to work more than three hours today. It was just out of town, in the middle of the highway; it wasn't really unusual for Dean who'd been in that situation before, old cars tend to break on long drives or the gas runs out before they can reach a gas station, or whatever stupid reason that leaves people stuck in the middle of nowhere.

The least he was expecting was to see Cas stranded next to a white convertible.

"Dean?" Cas asked, surprised at the sight of the man getting out of the tow truck. "So this is your job?" his laugh was hard to ignore.

It was hard to tell if it was just amusement or mocking, but Dean's mind instantly thought of the latter, "It pays the bill," he dully answered while getting some papers for Cas to fill in, almost throwing them on the convertible's hood. So maybe Dean wasn't the brightest man in the world, he didn't have a PhD, he wasn't a successful entrepreneur; fuck he didn't even get into college like his brother. But that didn't mean that anyone could look down on him, he just couldn't deal when people looked at his job like it was the lowest thing possible. And Cas seemed to be doing exactly that.

"I meant no offense," Cas tried an apology but the giggly tone of voice was still there. "It's just not what I thought you'd do for a living." He started filling up the form with his name, vehicle specifications and insurance information.

"So what do you see me doing?" he was defensive, and his posture with his arms crossed over his chest was a confirmation of that.

"I don't know," Cas shrugged without looking away from the paper that required his full address. "Bartender?" he asked more seriously than before.

Dean relaxed a little bit more, bartender was not so far from his interests. "I only know how to serve whiskey on the rocks and cold beers. Not really bartender skills."

"You'd get good tips though," Cas teased as he drew his signature on the papers and handed them to Dean.

"Touché," Dean cockily replied this time. If there was something he was confident about it was his good looks. Probably the only redeemable attribute he thought of himself. "Dude, we need an address." He said in a business-like tone after double-checking Cas'-... **Castiel** 's information.

"And if I don't have one?"

Dean shook his head, unsure of what Cas meant, "It's business policies." Cas grimaced, clearly not willing to give out an address, though Dean couldn't understand what the big deal was. "It's just an address."

"Yeah," Cas replied, absorbed in his thoughts. He ran a hand over his face to think more clearly; taking more Adderall after their breakfast had not been the greatest idea of the day. "Just give me that," he snatched the paperwork and carelessly scribbled the only address that came to his mind and gave the papers back to Dean before he could change his mind about it.

"Pontiac, Illinois?" Dean asked when he read the information. "You're a bit far from home, aren't you?"

 _'I don't have a home'_ , Cas' mind supplied an answer, but thankfully his current drug didn't affect his filters, and he didn't say it out loud. "Can you just... hook the car?"

Dean pouted, tongue between his teeth as he restrained himself from asking more questions. "Okay," he respected Cas' choice not to talk about it and went to drop the papers inside the truck before proceeding to hook the car, "You can just wait inside," Dean nodded towards the passenger seat of the truck.

Cas gave polite smile before walking away and jumping inside the truck.

 

It took less than 5 minutes for Dean to secure Cas' car to his tow truck and after double-checking that everything was in place and that the car wasn't going to rip apart if he started driving away, he hopped on the driver's seat. And the awkward torture began. Dean could tell that Cas was avoiding conversation with him because the guy kept looking outside the window and barely turned around to give Dean a glance. It wasn't that unusual, because his job wasn't exclusive to women, sometimes he'd pick up a guy and the situation would be pretty much like this one; no talk, no eye contact, no nothing. And usually Dean was fine with that, but with Cas there was this strange tension, as if it was Dean's job to force a word out of the guy.

"So what happened?" Dean tried to start small talk because even turning the radio on to listen to his music sounded like a bad idea right now.

Cas didn't make any attempt to look at him, and after a minute of silence Dean was convinced that he wasn't going to get a reply, but then the other man spoke. "To the car?" he asked a little unsure if Dean was prying for more personal answers or the current issue at hand, "It's got a missing piece, like... this thing that goes to the wheels."

It was very vague, there were a lot of pieces that went to the wheels, but from the looks of Cas, he didn't have the slightest idea about cars, so Dean didn't insist on what part was exactly missing, "How did that happen?" he asked instead, his eyes firmly on the road. Apparently he was avoiding eye contact too.

"Stolen, I assume. It was fine last night." Cas voice sounded uninterested, like he really didn't want to talk to Dean.

"So you left the car there all night?"

"Yes."

At this point, Dean was regretting even trying to start a conversation, but he kinda knew this guy already. Hell he ate the breakfast that Cas cooked, he couldn't just sit there in silence and pretend like they were complete strangers. "Why?"

Cas finally turned around, his pupils were not as dilated as the night before (but it could be merely because of the sunlight instead of the darkness of night), and now the blue eyes seemed to be clearer, a little lighter and bigger. Dean only realized that he wasn't looking at the road because his eyes traveled down to Cas' lips when the guy opened his mouth to speak, so Dean quickly looked away. "It ran out of gas." Cas stated coldly without moving his eyes away from Dean. He tilted his head to get a better look of Dean's profile, "We were supposed to get more gas but instead ended up at a club. And you know the rest."

"We?" Dean promptly asked before remembering the previous night. Cas had entered the club with someone else. It was just hard to remember that detail considering how fast Cas was in joining Benny and completely ignoring his previous _'date'_. "Right... your friend," he corrected himself, "what was his name again?"

Cas shrugged, not really caring about Lucas, "I meant it," Cas cryptically mentioned after what could be considered an irked sigh, to which Dean frowned unsure of what the other guy meant by that. Cas turned away, back to look outside his window, "When I said we don't have to know each other." It was his way of halting Dean from asking more questions.

"It doesn't mean you gotta be an ass," Dean irritably replied, remembering exactly why he hated to be alone in a room with one of Benny's hookups. It never happened that often because his roommate was basically tied by the hip to them for as long as he could, but in those rare occasions where the universe decided to play a joke on him, he was there, with a gay guy just ogling him and things got really awkward for him. If they didn't try to make a move on him, they were generally obnoxious. Cas was different sure, he was reticent and maybe a little bit conceited, but he was nonetheless annoying to be around. Or at least Dean felt that way because he didn't realize that it was his fault for asking.

There was a small, awkward gap of silence that Dean filled with music from his stereo. After all, Dean's job was basically done and if Cas didn't want to talk anymore well that wasn't Dean's business anymore. Music was a good medicine for uncomfortable company. A guitar riff started that, in Dean's opinion, anyone who didn't live in a cave for the last 30 years should know.

Cas looked at Dean again. The guy was right, he had no real reason to be an asshole to him, after all, Dean had basically been the one who convinced him to stay the night; Cas was grateful for that but the breakfast had been his payment, he was done with his debt to the guy, they didn't have to talk anymore. But then again, Cas wasn't going to see him again, so why not humor him for the time being? "Okay... my apologies," he was sincere only because he had the right drug in his system, "It's just that.... we have nothing in common, there's no point in talking."

_We all came out to Montreux_   
_On the Lake Geneva shoreline_   
_To make records with a mobile..._

_'How can you know that?'_ Dean's mind irritatedly countered Cas' response. He hated when people just assumed things of him, his tastes, his job, his past, only because of the image they got. He knew he didn't have much to give, his life wasn't exceptional or worthy of a book but he wasn't as stereotypical as people would think, and deep inside he just felt tossed aside with garbage when they treated him like a commoner. _'Great, who's the conceited bitch now'_ , he mentally laughed at himself. "How about Benny?" He asked, finding something relatable though not precisely fascinating.

"What about him?" Cas slyly asked, he knew what Dean was trying to ask, but he just didn't feel comfortable telling him about his plans of not seeing Benny again.

"Are you... like... going to see him again?" As far as Dean could tell, Benny was already hung up on this guy, maybe his friend didn't show it that much but the way Benny had kissed Castiel's forehead a few hours ago was something that Dean didn't get to see very often, and from the little pieces of the conversation that he got to hear, Cas was given the choice to stick around longer.

_...They burned down the gambling house_   
_It died with an awful sound_   
_Funky Claude was running in and out_   
_Pulling kids out the ground..._

The other guy didn't answer right away, instead he ruffled his messy hair to (apparently) set it straight, although from Dean's perspective it looked even more messy; admittedly in a cooler way but he wouldn't say that out loud. "I don't know," Cas heard himself whisper with as much uncertainty as he felt about it. It depended on what he'd do today. If he found Lucas and they decided to keep moving then he was gone for good, and if for some unpleasant prank that destiny had reserved for him and his car didn't get fixed in time —because fate always gave him the worst time— then he'd have no choice but to stay in that town for some time, and there was a high chance that he'd hang around with Benny just to have some fun while he was stuck there. "I really don't know." Cas curtly repeated, tapping his palms on his thighs to the beat of the song to distract himself from his doubts.

_Smoke on the water, fire in the sky._

For Dean, it wasn't even an answer, but after rolling his eyes at the other guy's reluctance to speak, he realized that the workshop was in sight, so he stopped questioning Cas in favor of dropping him off at the garage and get rid of the most obnoxious passenger that he ever had the displeasure to tow.

It would've been easy for Dean to just leave the guy there and drive back to the main quarters to drop the truck and get back his Impala, call it a day and get back to do absolutely nothing in the comfort of his house, but it was obvious that Cas was struggling with whatever the mechanic was telling him. Apparently the guy had no idea how to arrange a deal with mechanics.

"... so it's going to take at least a three hours to get it done," Dean heard the mechanic say to Cas as he approached to the two of them. After all, it was his nature to look after lost souls.

"Then I'll get you the money in three hours," Cas answered with a stern voice, a little annoyed with the whole situation.

"I can't start working on it without something to start with," the brunette man rubbed his fingers as a gesture for money.

Cas let an exhausted sigh, taking a couple of steps away from the mechanic to clear his mind.

Dean had a lot of experience with these guys; sure he never let anyone work on his Impala besides himself but as a tow truck driver he had to have some contact with them. So he quickly stepped in the conversation, "Look... Trey," Dean was sure he'd met the guy before but he would've never remembered his name if it wasn't for the name tag on his strained overalls, "Cut him some slack, man, what's the big deal?"

The mechanic, Trey, looked indignant at Dean, "What are you a public defender now?" But in that workshop, everyone knew better than to mess with Dean Winchester, so he resignedly glanced at Cas again, "Alright... how 'bout you come back in one hour with the money and I'll start working on it?"

Dean could tell that this was the best deal they were going to get, so he made a gesture with his hands at Cas, who was now looking at him in surprise for the assistance. "Okay, I'll get the money."

"See ya then," Trey nodded at Cas, then glared at Dean for the inconvenient intrusion and finally went back inside the garage to keep working.

Cas didn't have a lot of money with him when he arrived to town; that's why he had had to steal a store to get some cash for the night. And now with the extra drugs and supplies he bought for breakfast that morning, he was utterly broke. The only option he had was to go back to Lucas and see if he hadn't been ripped off by that hooker from the bar —Cas was sure she was a hooker but now was hoping to be wrong— but then again, that meant he would have to tag along with the guy for longer than he wanted, and that wasn't exactly a good option either.

"You need a ride?" Dean's voice brought him back from his absorption.

Cas wasn't in the position to be picky, or snarky towards Dean anymore, not after helping him out with the car at least twice now. And yet he heard himself mocking the offer, "Are you really offering me a ride?"

Dean shrugged like it wasn't the most shocking thing (even though he knew it was), "Why not?"

"I figured you'd be done with me by now."

"Dude don't be so dramatic," Dean nodded towards the truck to remark his offer, "Just get in." This was his curse, he helped people, even if he didn't particularly liked them. And by now, he **was** in fact done with Castiel.

"Don't you have to work?" Cas questioned him, finding any kind of excuse that Dean could use to change his mind.

"I was just ending my shift," and Dean wasn't going to beg, if Cas didn't want his help then it wasn't his problem anymore, so he walked around the truck to hop into the driver's seat.

Cas didn't have to consider his options too long, so he was opening the door to the passenger seat right after Dean had closed his own door. "Thank you," Cas whispered, not really used to the phrase since he had not been in a lot of situations worth showing gratitude.

"Don't mention it," Dean retorted with a less cordial way than he intended. "I just need to park this truck back at the station and then we can take my car." He took Cas' silence as a _'That's fine'_ and he turned on the engine to start the ride that went on smoothly, and just as awkward as before because they were utterly quiet all the way.

 

* * *

 

Dean's boss gave him hell for dropping his shift so early when there was still work left to do, but Dean was no one to sit down to be scolded, and after he mentioned he had personal stuff to do on his free day, and demanding to be paid the extra hours that were not even in his schedule, his boss backed down and let him go. Dean was almost shaking when he got out of the office, mostly because this job was the best he could get and couldn't actually afford to lose it; he was generally a hard worker, especially since it had became his responsibility to take care of Sam in not just a moral support, their economy was barely enough to keep them both fed and clothed and that's why he never looked down on any kind of job that demanded more of him. But sometimes enough was enough, and his body could only go on for so long before he felt actually ill. Today for example, it had been mentally exhausting to the point of becoming physical, and he wasn't going to keep it up any longer. He still had the next week to work double shifts. These extra hours were just beyond his capabilities.

 **"** Are you okay?" Cas asked him as Dean lead them to the Impala in the parking lot for employees.

Dean could almost swear it was genuine concern, though he knew better than to trust his problems to some random stranger. Cas wasn't a complete stranger of course, but... Dean just didn't like him. "Peachy," he answered with his most rehearsed word. "So where are we going?" He changed the topic back to Castiel.

Cas waited until they were both inside the car to mention their destination. He didn't know the address or even the hotel that Lucas mentioned, so he had to give Dean instructions of what he guessed was the right place to go. And Dean was very familiar with this town already, he immediately knew what hotel Cas was talking about —also because he had rented a room there in more than one time for one of his hookups— so he drove them in a much more comfortable and faster way now that he had his baby under his grip.

He parked in a permitted area and dropped Cas off, the other guy hadn't actually intended to ask him for another favor but he did anyway, and when Dean heard the shy _'Would you mind waiting for me?'_ and met that intense blue stare looking at him with pleading eyes, he couldn't say no. The ride had been silent, only bearable thanks to Dean finally putting on the radio and tuning his classic rock station to at least have some noise, and through that silence he could see Cas thinking (because Dean had admittedly glanced at the other guy through the corner of his eyes). He could only guessed that after some thinking, Cas decided to get back to Benny for at least another night. Dean could totally understand that, fixing a car represented some expenses that he was usually not ready for, and adjusting yourself to it might become a problem, so in situations like those, Dean would accept any kind of help that came his way. Cas was apparently no different than him in that aspect.

Dean watched the other guy get out of the car and walk into the building for whatever reason that he didn't dare to ask about. And idly put on the radio to make some background noise while he waited. Then after 3 songs had passed, he heard a knocking on the window of the passenger seat and the door opened. Cas glided inside with a successful grin on his face, "Okay, ready to go." Dean was looking at the guy expectant for an explanation that never came, instead Cas just let his grin grow wider, "Have you eaten anything since breakfast?"

"Are you asking me out?" Dean teased, very confused with the whole situation but the fact was that he hadn't really eaten anything yet, and his hunger was legendary so he wasn't one to refuse a treat when someone offered. He briefly chuckled to point out it was a joke (with gay guys you could never know) and then turned on the engine, "Why don't we go back to pay that asshole first?"

 

* * *

 

This was the worst idea ever and Dean was already having second thoughts as soon as they hopped back into the car. The mechanic Trey was no less of an asshole than the last time but at least he promised to get the car in time; he cast a suspicious glance over at Dean when they both arrived in the car and left together, and Dean was already imagining what that fucker was thinking, but for the sake of leaving the place in order to get food, he let it go. He'd settle things down with the guy later when Cas wasn't around to take it as personal offense. Because it could be taken that way even if Dean didn't mean it, being called gay (even implicitly) shouldn't really be an issue, except that Dean just **wasn't gay** , and he didn't want anyone to think that of him. He just death-glared back at Trey and almost ordered Cas to get in the car before he did so too.

It was just another proof of why this was such a bad idea. Number one: Benny wanted to show Cas around town, and now Dean had suddenly taken that place for whatever reason. Number two: Cas wasn't flamboyant like some other stereotypical gays that Dean had met before, but he still had this certain flair that just gave it out; Sam could call him a bigot all he wanted, but this actually made Dean feel observed, like people around him just knew Cas was gay and assumed that Dean was involved with him. He was incredibly paranoid when they walked into that one diner that Dean liked to go every now and then because they had the best apple pie in the world, and now the visit was reaching high levels of discomfort because he kept wondering if people were gossiping about them, everytime someone looked at him, Dean just imagined that they were scrutinizing him and screaming _'faggot'_ at him. It pissed him off.

"Are you okay?" Cas asked for the second time this day and to Dean's surprise, it wasn't as exasperating as when other people shot the exact same question at him.

"I'm not feeling up for lunch," Dean failed at faking an apologetic smile, making it look forced enough to give away that he was lying, and as if that wasn't enough, his stomach growled.

Cas wasn't stupid though, he'd seen that discomfort one too many times in his life. He rolled his eyes at Dean, "see this is what I meant by not having to know each other. If it bothers you that much to be around me, then say it and I'll leave."

It wasn't the brightest idea for Cas either; he'd been through that path before, falling for a straight guy —not that he was falling for Dean, at all, that was just... a saying— wasn't worth the complications because in the end, none of them got what they wanted and just wasted each other's time. The only reason Cas was there, ready to buy lunch to Dean, was as an act of gratitude for being helpful with the mechanic, and by driving him to the hotel. It was convenient, and just as before, Cas considered it a favor that had to be repaid with another favor, but he wasn't going to tolerate the general awkwardness that came with his sexuality and Dean's insecurities about it.

Dean was silent for long enough to hint that he was, in fact, bothered by it; so Cas nodded sarcastically and started walking outside again. "Look man," Dean started, grabbing Cas' arm to stop him from storming out, making a scene right in front of everyone and giving the wrong impression, "I appreciate the gesture and all, but..."

"You don't have to explain yourself to me," Cas interrupted him, lowering his voice so that only Dean could hear it because yes, he was considerate of the other man and didn't like to cause a scene either. "It's fine," he gave a sympathetic smile, "I just don't know why you'd pass on free food for something like that."

"Something like what?" Dean nervously asked, had he been that obvious about it? He just had to hate Cas for noticing it right away, Dean always thought of him as a chill person, hard to know what he was truly thinking, but maybe he thought too much of himself. No. That wasn't it, no one else had seen through him so fast before, Cas had to have a sixth sense or something because he just tilted his head with an annoyed expression that silently said _'You know what'_ , and damn that expression looked a lot like one of Sam's bitchfaces. "Okay, you got me," Dean defeatedly uttered, letting go off Cas' arm, "Let's just..." he couldn't get himself to say it without sounding pathetic, so he just nodded towards the table and put on a confident smile.

Cas sighed, finding it not only amusing that Dean sucked at pretending to be okay, but also endearing that he tried, "The food better be worth it," he changed the topic to shove the tension away.

**  
**

The dinner wasn't that big, there were 4 tables scattered at the center of the building, rounded with at least 8 booths that were arranged next to the windows. There was a counter at the back where you could see the cooks fervently working nonstop on dishes after dishes, and the waitresses wandered all over the place like lost ants. The employees seemed to have more activity than necessary though because the place wasn't even that crowded, and that made it easier for Dean and Cas to choose a booth close to the kitchen counter (supposedly to get attended faster).

"So why 'd you come here?" Dean asked after they silently stared at the menu; Dean's choice had been easy, the classic bacon-cheeseburger and a vanilla milkshake (only because they didn't serve out beer there), so he put down the menu and patiently waited as Cas studied the unknown menu. A waitress had approached to ask for their orders and Cas had settled with asking for a sandwich and a lemonade. And after a small gap of silence, Dean had to ask out of curiosity.

"Here? You mean Lawrence?" Maybe it was the fact that Cas was starting to sober up, but he was less reluctant to talk with Dean about it now. He felt comfortable enough to make a confused pout, "I wasn't planning on it. Like I said, we ran out of gas and managed to get a ride to the closest town," he knew now that it might have looked impulsive and reckless, but that's what Cas' life had become, especially when he was too high to make any rational decisions. And that night he'd been so intoxicated that he barely remembered how it happened.

"All the way from Pontiac?"

"Louisiana, actually."

Dean didn't even try to hide his confusion, "I thought you were from Illinois."

"Yeah well I lived there until I was eighteen," Cas lifted his eyebrows to disregard his memories from back there. "That was eight years ago," he added when he realized that Dean didn't know his age.

"And then you moved in to Louisiana?" _'It had to be because of college'_ , Dean thought, already guessing that the guy was smart enough to be in college, his clothes didn't hint that, but there was something about him that just inspired that kind of air.

"... not really." Cas got interrupted by the waitress who came back with their dishes and set them down on the table, casually giving Dean a napkin with her phone number and blatantly winked at him. Dean smirked and bit his lips, ogling her back. Cas had to wait until the waitress was gone to chuckle to himself.

"What?" Dean asked, his smug smile still in place.

Cas shook his head, still chuckling, "It's the first time that I'm not the one getting hit on." That was his way of admitting that Dean was ten times hotter than him, and so out of his league not just because the guy was straight.

Dean took the implied compliment with a cocky smile and grabbed his burger for a bite. "So you were saying?" he spoke with a mouthful.

"Nothing else. I just move around a lot, last week was Louisiana, next time who knows." Cas mirrored the action with his own sandwich, sipping on his lemonade to wash it down and putting an end to the conversation about it. It wasn't like he wouldn't talk Dean about it as long as it didn't go down the _‘personal stuff'_ road, but so far he knew that Dean was trying to play nice for whatever reason he had for it, maybe it was just his personality, and Cas didn't want that kind of forced interaction.

"That sounds cool," Dean asserted with a peek of interest. He would sometimes imagine what it would be like to hit the road without a destination and just enjoy the ride wherever that lead. He guessed it was a typical teenage- dream that was easily decimated when reality kicked in to remind him of his responsibility to Sam. He couldn't just head off when his brother needed stability for his studies, and to build a life for himself. Dean ignored the fact that he wasn't making much out of his own life while providing for his brother, because for him it was enough if Sam became the lawyer he wanted to be.

"It is," Cas faked a joyful tone, ignoring what his mind retorted: _'It's complicated'_ , _'It's scary'_ , _'It's lonely'_ , because whenever he disregarded the disadvantages of such lifestyle, it was a good life. Interesting indeed.

"So..." Dean started talking after a sip of his milkshake. "... what happened back there?" He had been curious about how exactly Cas got the money to pay for his car AND to buy him lunch.

Cas tilted his head and studied Dean's face with more intensity than socially acceptable. It took him a few seconds to understand what Dean was exactly referring to, "At the hotel?" he asked just for confirmation, which he got when Dean nodded before taking another bite of his burger. "You remember that guy I was with last night?" Dean nodded again, "Well... he had some money on him and I told him about the car."

It had been much more complicated than that of course, because Lucas wanted nothing to do with it, especially when he woke up and realized that Cas didn't go back to him (which could only mean that he left for good). To his surprise, Cas was there after midday, but as expected he was just interested in more money. Now, Lucas didn't leave home without his credit card for emergencies —stealing the convenience store was just part of his debauchery in this road trip— and just that morning he had taken money out of the closest ATM for the day. He didn't hand it right away, but Cas had this air of need that Lucas almost pitied, it had been attractive when they first met because it meant he could get his way with Cas, but now it was just plain embarrassing. And after a small argument about both of them using the car, Lucas tossed some bills at Cas to make him shut up.

"So he just gave you money?" Dean asked for further explanation. Cas just shrugged in yet another one of his evasive responses that Dean was starting to hate. "What's the deal with you and him?"

"There's no deal. He was there, I was there." It had been just impulsive, like 90% of Cas' decisions.

"And you two met in Louisiana?"

Dean was just trying to understand Cas a little more, it was the least he could do to make amends for being a dick before. He didn't usually feel guilty about being a jerk but when it came to his subconscious intolerance with homosexuality, he tried to fix it. His dad had been like that, Dean had vivid recollections of John bashing on two guys at the market when they were holding hands while shopping together; and then a poignant speech that if Dean ever turned into an _abomination_ like those guys, John would lose a son. Dean had been only 12 years back then and barely understood why it was inappropriate for two guys to be together, but what stuck in his mind was that small threat from father, and from his point of view it had been unclear if John was referring to throw him out of the house or... something more lethal. John was his role model in several ways, and Dean was more than happy with aspiring to be just half the man his dad was, but after all the crap John put them through after the incident with Mary, that vision of the perfect man started to blur and Dean grew up to disagree with some paradigms that had been imparted from John. It was hard, because most of the times he acted out of impulse and a part of his dad could be seen through Dean's attitude. Those were the moments when Dean took a step back and, if he had the chance, act differently.

"Yeah, we met at a party. I was already thinking about leaving town but when he said that he wanted to do it too, we just took the car and left." Cas began to analyze himself a little more, the only reason he didn't stay back that night was because he found a partner in crime that would accompany to at least the next town. He never tried to think of how lonely he felt when he was new in town, and that he preferred to have someone with him; but if he paid close attention to all the times he'd driven to a different city, there was a factor: there was always someone driving with him.

Dean was conflicted with that declaration. For once he found it extremely attractive to just hookup with someone that had the same impulsive decision of leaving, someone that could actually push him through and do it; on the other hand he didn't like that Cas was that type of person because of Benny. His roommate wasn't like that, and a part of him was protective over Benny, hoping that he wouldn't be the next Lucas in Cas' life. "So where were you planning on going now?"

Cas looked at him with a baffled expression. There was some undertone in that question that Cas interpreted as a way of telling him to get away from Benny; again, it wasn't the first time he'd been judged with that accusation before. He smiled to hide the slight anxiety that tried to crawl to the surface. Cas really needed some drugs now to shut it down. "I don't know, maybe Las Vegas," he chuckled to make it sound like he was excited about it.

Dean pretended not to notice that fake excitement, that was a bit too personal because he'd seen himself do the same with other things, except that he was a much better liar than Cas was and his act was more believable. He wasn't done figuring Cas out, the guy was more complicated than he let it be seen, but Dean could get one thing: Cas wasn't ready to move out again. "Are you gonna go with that guy?"

"What are you a cop?" Cas retorted in exasperation. It had all been fine until Dean started implying that Cas should leave Benny alone, at least that's what he thought it was, and then all the questioning started to sound more like an inquisition rather than a friendly conversation. "How about I ask some questions now?" Partially because it was payback, if Dean was getting to know him then Cas was going to do the same, and partially because he did want to know more about the other man.

Dean didn't look so pleased with the suggestion, but fair was fair; in retrospective he had been very pushy with Cas and it was only natural that it was backlashing now. "Alright, shoot," he took another bit of his almost finished burger.

Cas almost expected a snarky reply from the other guy, a simple _'fuck off'_ would've been good too, but there he was staring at Dean while he thought of what to ask first. "How long have you lived here?" It was the first thing that came to his mind considering that's how Dean started the interrogatory to begin with.

"All my life," Dean said nonchalantly, trying to seem as comfortable as possible by leaning back on his chair and enjoying his milkshake.

"... so that's not Benny's house, it's yours?"

"No, that's all Benny's. Sammy and I moved in there three years ago. But _'here'_ , Lawrence, that's hometown."

"So you've never been out of this town?" Cas asked more surprised than expected; Dean seemed to be that kind of guy who knew the world, who knew how things worked and had a lot of life experience above average. And yet the guy had never left his hometown, "That's lame," he chuckled as he sipped the last drops of his lemonade.

"Lamer than hanging around with your latest fuck's roommate?" Dean joked, and Castiel completely lost control at that and started laughing harder than Dean had seen him do it before. He couldn't exactly tell, but this laugh was honest and unrestrained. It was Cas' true laugh. And it was contagious enough to make Dean join the laughter.

"Alright," Cas tried to talk but he couldn't stop laughing, "I admit this is the first time I ever do that." He continued laughing for a few more seconds before calming down.

"Not gonna lie but it's a first for me too," Dean stopped laughing faster than Cas, but his grin was impossible to erase. Sure it had started weird, hanging around with Benny's latest fuck, but even he had to admit he was starting to have a good time.

"Next question," Cas had a sheepish smile that hinted how much fun he could have asking personal questions, but both of them knew that that kind of questions only lead to more and more personal crap than either of them wanted to talk about (even with their closest loved ones) so Cas buried his questions about Dean's family, girlfriends, plans for the future. "Have you ever been to a strip club?" it was random and out of topic but it was the least personal question he could think about.

"Dude, who hasn't?" Dean expected another loud laugh as before, but instead Cas pouted. "Wait... you've never been to one?" Cas simply shook his head, "I don't believe that."

The waitress came back to see if they needed anything else. Without thinking, Dean ordered a refill for his milkshake and his traditional apple pie. Cas was surprised, he expected Dean to ask for the check and then run the hell away from him and be done with it, but the other guy seemed a lot more comfortable now than he'd been before, and Cas had absolutely no problem with that; he ordered another lemonade.

"Next question," Cas repeated.

"Whoa, no. Stop." Dean lifted a hand to interrupt Cas, "You have never been to a strip club?"

"Why are you so surprised?"

Dean shrugged, "I just expected you to be more... I don't know..." ~~_what was that word again?... Oh yeah_~~ , "open-minded."

"Hey! I'm open-minded. I just never had the occasion."

"Well if you stick around, I might show you a good one..." and then he remembered Cas being gay, "I mean... if you want to go..." The realization kicked him hard in the face, he was basically asking Cas out, it wasn't a date or anything but... just asking him to hang out seemed kind of awkward given that Benny was their only link. Dean would've agreed with Cas about not having anything in common, but at least they had fun, that was something hard to come by for both of them.

"Sure, that sounds fun." Cas enthusiastically nodded.

They fell into a new silence, but this was different, Dean didn't have the urge to kick Cas out of his car or to just drop him off and drive away back to his house hoping to never see him again; instead he subconsciously stared at the other guy and took a brief time to appreciate him under the sunlight. It was the first time he actually got to pay attention to Cas' looks; he had noticed those blue eyes before, too intense that could almost blind him, a messy scruff that Dean guessed could be attractive (for those who were into guys), and then those lips. For some reason Dean's eyes had laid on those lips the night before when they were riding towards The Roadhouse, they were chapped and flat in a way that could not be described so easily, and had certain pull that just made people want to press their own lips against them. But not Dean, not at all, he just licked his lips because he felt like his own mouth was going dry, and then his eyes went back up to realize that Cas was staring right back at him with probably the same scrutiny as Dean was.

"I gotta go to the bathroom," Dean excused himself and dashed out of the booth to walk (with a faster pace than usual) to the men's room.

If Dean was honest to himself, there had been counted occasions that he'd looked at other guys with more interest than his sexuality allowed. He never tried to think too much about it though, and quickly forgot he ever watched intently at them; he never questioned if it was attraction or completely natural comparison to his own features or what the fuck it was all about, but the first few seconds when he realized what he'd been doing, he had to mentally slap himself.

He splashed some water on his face and his hair, and stared at himself in the mirror.

When he got out of the bathroom, the same waitress was just placing the two drinks on their table, and the apple pie on Dean's side for when he returned. Cas seemed to be having some cheerful conversation with her, they were giggling, smiling, and coincidentally the waitress turned around to look at Dean, she blushed before saying something to Cas and left to keep doing her job.

"What the hell did you tell her?" Dean rudely demanded when he stood next to the table, unwilling to sit down until Cas gave him an explanation.

His mind was going to awful places of insecurity, he was already thinking that Cas had gone and done something stupid like confronting the waitress, telling her than he and Cas were a thing and to back off, but then the girl had been laughing so it couldn't be that. Maybe Cas was making up stories about how long they've been together and how cute they were and that's why the girl was giggling, because Cas was making it sound so gay that the girl was just awed with whatever sappy crap he was telling her.

Cas frowned in confusion and tilted his head in that stupid way of his to study him better (yeah Dean was already picking up on his quirks), "What?"

"What did you tell her?" Dean's voice wasn't so loud, but it had a hint of anger that the people sitting on the next booth noticed and turned around to look at him.

"She asked me if you were available and I said yes. Why, is that wrong?" Cas replied with just as much confusion as he had written all over his face.

Dean took a deep breath, still a bit shaken and also confused himself with his own reaction, but Cas seemed to be telling the truth. Dean was just overreacting, "I guess not," he glided onto his seat and started eating the pie. The previous silence had turned from comfortable to utterly awkward.

"What happened?" Cas finally asked after the tension became unbearable.

There it was again, John crawling through him, making him act like a jerk. Dean had no real control over it, he just snapped. When he finally let his eyes look at Cas, he felt guilty, "It's nothing..." Dean paused to think how to explain it, "I just..." he paused again, unsure if he even had an excuse for being a dick sometimes.

Cas nodded and interrupted him, "It's okay." He didn't need a full explanation, he settled with Dean's apologetic tone to know that they were okay. That he hadn't done anything to mess up their starting friendship. "Why don't we just ask for the bill, get the pie to go, and get going?"

Dean was grateful that Cas didn't actually force him to talk and kind of understood him with just his body language, he tried a smirk and then raised his hand to call for the waitress. Cas paid for the lunch just like he promised, and after they had the pie wrapped in a plastic case, they left the dinner.

 

* * *

 

Dean was parking the Impala into the driveway of their apartment at around 5:43 p.m. It had been a relatively short day despite the fact that he had to work all morning. But then after he met Cas it all had been so fast. After the dinner they had a small conversation on the car about videogames, to which Cas admitted that he'd never even touched one. Dean impulsively took a detour towards the arcade to show him how to play. It had been ages since the last time Dean set foot inside that old arcade but it held good memories for when he didn't have much to worry about except for being back home in time for diner, get good grades, and the habitual house chores to help his mom out. The arcade had been his only distraction back then, and then when he grew up there were piles of new responsibilities that never ended, and he no longer had time to play videogames again. Then after he moved in with Benny, playing games seemed so useless that he didn't give it a try again. But Cas had been really excited about actually playing air hockey, so Dean let himself be childish again for a short moment. Cas had to be lying though, because he beat his ass like a pro, there was no way in hell that this was the first time he played that thing. Same happened with the sci-fi first person shooter that they tried next, and the space racing machine (even though it was cooperative), and the basketball simulator, and despite Cas' body type, he also beat the arm wrestling machine; Dean was actually surprised about it.

It had been a fun day, but the time went by so fast that they barely noticed the hour; they were supposed to pick up Cas' car already, so they left the arcade after playing the first person shooter again, and midway to the parking lot, Cas said he forgot something and ran back inside without waiting for Dean to catch up with him. Dean had shrugged and kept walking to the car, to his surprise, Cas didn't really forget anything, he simply went back to exchange all his tickets for a keychain; it was a really useful one though, because it looked like a revolver and it was also a lighter if you pulled the trigger. Cas had said "Happy birthday," after hopping into the passenger seat, and Dean didn't mention anything about it but he felt extremely happy about the small gesture.

By the time they got to the workshop, it was too late. The shop had already closed. Cas had been close to have a rage outburst right there if it wasn't for Dean reassuring him that they could pick the car up the next day. So with no other choice but to wait, Dean offered for Cas to go back to their place; it hadn't been what Cas was truly hoping for, but it was a better option than going back to Lucas after their last conversation. Cas defeatedly agreed to Dean's suggestion and they both got back inside the Impala.

 

When Dean opened the door to the apartment, Benny was in the living room, pretending to watch the TV, yet he had his phone in one hand so he was either texting someone or waiting for a call — _'Cas' call,'_ Dean guessed— and Sam was using his laptop on the kitchen table, presumably doing more thesis work because that guy just never caught a break.

"Dean," Benny greeting him, slightly jumpy when he got up to his feet, "Have you seen Cas?"

Dean opened his mouth to say something, and instead just took some more steps into the apartment, leaving the door open.

Cas walked in a couple of steps behind him. "Yeah he has," he replied with amusement, Dean thought it was a little uncalled for but still it made him chuckle.

Benny looked between the two guys, one brow furrowed upwards as he scrutinized their interaction. _'Well they didn't fuck, that's for sure'_ , he thought but something looked off. "What are you two doing?"

Sam lifted his gaze from the screen when he heard that accusing tone in Benny's voice.

Cas spoke faster than Dean, "I had a problem with my car, it was good fortune that Dean is a tow truck driver. He picked me up."

"I thought you said you dropped the truck at the station at two," Sam interjected, he was as confused as Benny, but he found the situation more hilarious than anything.

Sam had been texting with Dean randomly during the day, the first time was to ask where Dean was after Sam came home from jogging, the second time was when Dean texted him to tell him he was just ending his shift, the third time happened about 20 minutes later with a notification that Dean was going to get home a little later. None of those texts mentioned Cas, but to be honest Sam barely remembered the guy until he saw him there again; that druggie dress code and the messy hair was hard to forget in one day.

Dean glared at him for a non-verbal _‘Shut up, Sam'_ , which only made the younger brother laugh. "Well there were some complications with the mechanic, Cas needed a ride." He wasn't blushing, but he was getting a little flustered with whatever Benny and his brother were suggesting.

"I didn't know you had a car," Benny joined the conversation again, his eyes were now fixated on Cas.

"That's how I arrived to Lawrence," Cas mentioned as if it was not a big deal, because really it wasn't. At least not as long he didn't mention that he was getting the car back to get out of town already, without even saying goodbye to Benny. Dean walked away to get himself a beer from the fridge. "The guy told me he'd have it today but..." his eyes darted towards Dean, "I got there a little late... he didn't do shit, and now I won't have it until tomorrow..."

"Dude, where's the beer?" Dean shouted, partially pissed that the beer was gone, and partially to interrupt the awkward conversation that Cas was being forced into.

"We drank it," Sam said, turning his attention back to his laptop, "that's what beer is for."

 **"** Yeah but you could've at least bought more," Dean complained.

"We can go buy more," Cas suggested, since he wasn't going to use the money for the car right now, he thought it was just as good to use it for alcohol; he'd spend Sunday finding a way to get more money.

"Yeah, we'll be right back," Benny said. Making it indisputable that he was the one going with Cas while Dean had to stay home.

Cas didn't say anything, and gave a smile that Dean already knew it was fake, but it wasn't his place to say anything. Besides, he had already spent most of the day with Cas, the guy was probably getting tired of him. "Okay."

Dean saw Cas and Benny leave before he could move to the pantry to get an ashtray, then he sat next to Sam and grabbed a smoke from his back pocket. With all that happened during the day and the places the had been, he didn't get much of a chance to smoke so now he was needing one badly. He was about to use his Zippo but instead reached into his other pocket for the keychain that Cas gave him and lit his cigarette with that plastic gun. He had to admit, it looked even cooler than he thought.

"What is that?" Sam inquisitively asked when he saw the keychain.

"Uh... it's, uh..." he shoved it back into his pocket as if it would make it disappear and his brother would forget about it, but Sam was looking at him waiting for an answer. "Cas gave it to me... as a birthday present. It's cool." He added to lessen the importance of the action, because he could see the gears inside Sam's brain putting the pieces together.

"Problems with the car my ass," Sam teased, but he didn't push more than that and instead kept working on his thesis.

"Shut up, bitch," Dean retorted with their traditional comeback, though this time he had a more serious tone.

"Whatever, jerk."

After Dean was done with his cigarette he got up to take a shower and finally get rid of the ‘work clothes' because driving for hours under the sun got him more sweaty than acceptable.

He was drying himself up when he heard some blabbering coming from the living room and he hurried up to go outside and get some beer, surely Cas and Benny had returned and hopefully not with empty hands. He opened the door with just the towel tied around his waist and bumped into Cas who was just coming to use the bathroom. It had been a very fast moment but Cas' face had almost fit into the space where his shoulder meets his neck, and their chest stuck together because of the moisture of his chest clinging to Cas' cotton shirt. Fucking Cas, he had turned around to ask Benny if that was the right door to the bathroom, and when he turned around it was too late to dodge the other guy.

"Sorry," Cas said, trying to compose himself away from Dean, he couldn't stop his eyes though from scanning Dean's shirtless body and the wetness that just made his muscles shine. Cas opened his mouth to say something else but decided against it and just rushed into the bathroom.

Dean stood there for a few seconds; mentally he was completely uncomfortable, that should've been completely wrong especially with the lecherous look that Cas had in his eyes while looking at him, sure he couldn't blame the guy because Dean was pretty fit, perhaps not worked up like underwear models were but he was well built above average and he didn't mind being the eye candy when it came to women. With Cas it should've been weird. But it hadn't, and that's what freaked him out, because his body had reacted to the other guy's breath on his moist skin.

Sam chuckled in the distance —because the door to the bathroom wasn't that far into the hall and could be easily seen from the kitchen table—  and that's what made Dean finally move from his spot, glaring at his roommate before getting into his bedroom to put some damn clothes on.

Destiny must have been playing a cruel joke on him, it was just too much of a coincidence that, once again, he bumped into Cas when he got out of his bedroom. The bathroom was right across the hall from the bathroom, the doors basically faced each other, and right when Dean got out, twisting an arm backwards to close the door, Cas was doing the same in front of him. This time it wasn't that awkward, their shoulders collapsed, their knees kicked each other, but that was all the contact there was; and Cas made it less awkward by just shrugging it off with a friendly chuckle that Dean matched out of politeness more than genuineness.

"We're going to order pizza," Cas starting talking to distract themselves from the situation. "Are you hungry?"

"Yeah sure," Dean replied with a renewed enthusiasm, food was a good way to take his mind off from any kind of situation. "I'm always up for pizza."

_"And we're back at Deceptions, Deviations and Desires. Just for the record, no we're not changing the name, trust me I've tried to talk to my producer about it but it's a no go." Carver Edlund's voice came from the living room as Benny turned up the volume of the radio. "We got some messages on the social networks about people who believed that last time we couldn't finish talking about relationships. Sorry guys, we don't have that much time on air to cover every aspect," the man in the radio kept talking._

Dean strode into the living room after listening to that piece of crap that was on the radio, "What the hell is that?" he irritably asked at Benny.

"Carver Edlund," Benny nonchalantly replied, stepping away from the radio and walking to the phone, "you know, it's a radio progr..."

"It's bullshit," Dean stated, walking towards the radio to change the station.

_"So we're listening to you guys, we're picking up where we left off yesterday," Carver's voice sounded through the speakers, his voice had this fake gleefulness that Dean couldn't stand._

"Dean, stop with the classics." Sam interjected from the kitchen where he was still working on his laptop. He'd probably heard all of Dean's music repertoire a hundred times over, enough to know the lyrics by memory without even having that inclination to such music genre. He couldn't possibly handle another round of Led Zeppelin that week without blowing up his head.

"Hey, that's the real music, not this... Carver whatever."

_"Last time we were talking about crushes. Now I personally have known the pain that is having a crush on someone seemingly unattainable..."_

"Benny, really?" Dean asked, his hand already on the controls of the radio.

"Touch that, and you'll lose a hand, Winchester." Benny seemed firm on leaving that station, and despite Dean's disagreement, he was nothing but an occupant of the house. Three years living there and he still felt like he had no say in any matters about anything, so he left the radio on.

_"... and that's what stops us from actually approaching, but I have this quote for you: **Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing at all** , by Helen Keller. She's trying to tell us that by not taking risks, we're not making much out of our lives." There was a small gap of silence in the radio program. "Carpe diem, folks."_

"So... Cas said pizza?" Dean asked from his new place at the couch, resignedly splattered with his arms crossed over his chest.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm dialing," Benny said, shooting a glance over at Cas who was still standing at the hall, back resting against the wall. "What do you want on it?"

Dean didn't get that the question had been addressed to Cas, so he assumed it was to him, "The usual, pepperoni and ham."

"Yeah, I know that jackass." Benny rolled his eyes at Dean. The guy always asked for the same pizza, Benny quickly learned not to ask him anymore because he already knew what the answer would be. "I meant Cas," he shot a glance at the blue-eyed guy.

"Whatever is fine," Cas replied, not really minding to eat. His quick visit to the restroom had been for a line of cocaine that was just kicking in; he wasn't really hungry before, but now for sure he didn't feel like eating at all.

Benny nodded and started speaking to the telephonist to set up their order.

_"So I have this little assignment for you. If you have a crush on someone, just talk to them, I'm not telling you to go out and expose yourselves to them, but just small talk, maybe asking them about their hometown, about their likes and dislikes. I assure you that common interests will appear." Carver paused briefly, "Okay we got a call. What's your name?"_

_"Hey Carver, I'm Maddison."_

_"Maddison, tell us, have you ever been in that position? Having a crush that you're just too afraid to act on?"_

_"I think we all have been, at one point or another; but that was too long ago, I'm actually married with a child. The reason I'm calling you is because... well, I have this friend. She came to me the other day to tell me that she thinks she has a crush on a co-worker..."_

_"Oh that's pretty common. We usually spend more time at work or school than we do with our families. It's almost impossible not to create bonds with co-workers, and maybe even one of the catches our eye."_

_"Yeah that's what I told her, and then... she told me that this co-worker is another woman."_

"Seriously?" Cas interjected with a clear undertone of annoyance, "This woman is having a gay crush and she's freaking out so she calls the radio? What is this like free therapy?"

"I think it's hilarious," Benny commented after hanging up with the pizza man.

"Yeah but, it's not like it's the end of the world." Cas replied, still not moving from his place.

"Some people might struggle when their sexuality is questioned, Cas." Sam threw in his five cents into the conversation without looking up from his computer.

"I will never understand that," Cas chuckled, barely even noticing that Dean slightly tensed if his up straight position on the couch was anything to go by. "By restricting themselves to one genre, they're already giving up their chances to get laid with basically half the global population."

"Cas really? Are you really saying that they're **choosing** to restrict themselves?" Benny asked with a baffled expression.

"Well not really, but if they feel attracted to someone, that's basically their body telling them what they want. And not getting laid with them **is** a choice. Now it doesn't matter what sex or genre they are, if they don't act on it then yeah, they're restricting themselves."

"You're way too open-minded Cas," Sam spoke one last time.

_"So I'm guessing this friend of yours is straight?" Carver asked his auditor, "and this is the first time she feels attracted to another woman?"_

_"Well I wouldn't call it attraction," the woman defensively cut him off, "I'd say it's more like... bonding."_

_"No, we bond with our family, with our friends, with our pets... even with the mailman that gives us letters every week. If your friend feels altered and confused about this co-worker, it's something more." Carver made a slight pause, almost expecting for the woman to contradict him, and after a few seconds of silence he continued, "Like I said yesterday, sometimes we encounter one person that breaks through our walls without even trying..."_

Cas' eyes landed on Dean for a brief moment. The speech on the radio wasn't that significant to him, he vaguely remembered the small segment of the program where they talked about random encounters becoming something more meaningful, but that never happened to him. And yet Dean had somehow managed to get real laughter and honest conversation out of him without even having to get him drugs or sex to do that. It had been different, and new, and _**fun**_. But it wasn't a crush, it couldn't be a crush. Cas never had crushes.

Dean had been trying not to pay attention to the radio program, but that last phrase had gotten to him. Break through someone's wall. He tensed in the couch even more; it was illogical to make a comparison between the woman in the radio and the guy standing in the hall, but Dean couldn't stop from thinking a bit more into it than he meant to. What if Cas was having a crush on him? And what if Dean was just giving false hopes by hanging out with him? He didn't dare to look behind him to meet Castiel's gaze.

_"... so the real question here is: What is your friend going to do about it?" Carver resumed his speech._

_"It's complicated," the woman kept going, "If it was a guy, she'd probably take the chance and make a fool of herself just to ask him out. I mean I get what you say, maybe she gets a date and gets herself a good relationship instead of being in the dark with her questions. But we're talking about another woman here, it's not that simple."_

_"The only difference I see is that your friend is having some trouble accepting that maybe, just maybe, she's not as straight as she thought she was." Carver made another pause, possibly to think his next words better, "We've seen a lot of cases like this, and I personally know how hard it is to open yourself to this new possibility. Our sexuality does not define us but it is a big part of who we are; when we realize that we may have a slightly different inclination, it is confusing and messy because we start thinking differently about ourselves." another pause happened before any other sound was heard from the radio, "This is my best advice for your friend: Don't let this new factor change your... **her** self-preception. It's just another small piece in the puzzle, like when you eat cranberry pie and realize that you like it more than apple pie but you didn't know because you never tried it before. It won't change who you are just for trying it out. And in the end, if we don't like it; we don't have to eat it again."_

_"Thank you Carter, I will tell her that," the woman said with some hesitance in her voice._

_"Thank you for calling, Maddison. Now let us listen to some music before we go to commercials and we'll be right back to discuss some more about today's topic, stay tuned."_

"Is it just me, or is this guy basically encouraging that girl to go crazy and fuck whoever she wants?" Benny asked as he sat on the lover's seat, making room for Cas to sit next to him.

"It's not the worst advice," Cas answered the rhetorical question, walking over to the couch after Benny had patted the empty space as an invitation, "I live under that mantra and it works like a charm."

"Right, and you're the living image of stability," Dean uttered with a slightly more upset tone than he meant.

"Not stability," Cas replied in a monotonous tone, "Liberation."

 _I'd do anything_  
_That I'm told to_  
_I'd even mean it_  
_If I'm supposed to..._

Dean laughed briefly, finally standing up to go to the kitchen to get one of the beers that Cas and Benny promised to buy, not even minding that the song would never catalogue as his style, and yet not despising it completely because thank god it wasn't fucking Katy Perry or something like that. Liberation, that was one thing Dean admired of Cas back at the diner, the whole ‘live life on the road' attitude was more appealing than he wanted to admit.

"So you've never had a crush on anyone?" Benny asked, wrapping a lazy arm around Cas who was now sitting next to him.

"Eh, I'm pretty sure I have, but I'm not the kind to sit back and fantasize about it. I act..." Cas spoke with confidence.

Dean actually related to that because he was also the kind to just walk over them and ask if they want to go out, that was the only way to actually get what he wanted, otherwise he'd end up with blue balls for the rest of his life. He grabbed a beer from the fridge, thankful that they were cold by now.

"... and if they say no, then I just move on." Cas finished his sentence.

"That's not a crush," Sam intervened, "When you're pining for someone and they turn you down, it's hard to move on."

 _Look out_  
_Cause I'm just too fake for the world_  
_I know it's just a game to me_  
_I'm just too fake you see..._

"Oh... then I guess I've never had a crush." Cas lied, his eyes landed on Dean when the guy uncapped a beer, "Can you get me one?"

Dean looked at Cas, not only because of the request, but also for the change of tone in his voice. They were not the closest friends by any means, so Dean couldn't be 100% sure of every kind of aspect in Castiel, but after one day with the guy it wasn't that hard to notice when Cas tried to mask something. He just nodded, pushing away that subconscious analysis on Cas and grabbing a beer, tossing it at the guy.

After Cas successfully caught the bottle, he raised it in Dean's direction as a thank you, then proceeded to uncap it himself. "Let's be honest here," he continued before taking a sip from his beer, "In the end, we just want sex." All four guys laughed at that statement, no one could refuse it, "So if you can't get it with someone, why would you keep pursuing that? There are too many people out there to consider only one."

"You can't choose who you fall for, Cas." Benny included himself in the conversation, snatching Cas' beer to take a sip from it.

"I wasn't talking about falling in love, I was talking about sex."

"Then you're missing the point of a crush," Benny replied.

Cas didn't comment anything else on it, and Dean could guess why only because it was the same for him. Falling in love had never happened to him, he had never truly felt that kind of interest in another person, nothing for him went beyond sexual attraction hence the whole idea of longing for someone so bad that they basically blurred the world until all you could see was that one person (which was his definition of a crush), was an unreal concept. Cas was the same apparently.

"Love is overrated," Cas poignantly answered.

"Or maybe you haven't met the right guy," Benny countered, returning the bottle of beer back to Cas.

Cas didn't say anything, he simply settled with shooting a quick glance at Dean before looking at the ceiling instead, faking a comfortable smile at Benny's. Dean had been watching from the kitchen, he wasn't exactly staring as much as he was just casually looking in that direction while he tried to get used to the song. _'Love is overrated'_. Dean couldn't say he agreed to that, he just believed that he wasn't made for that kind of emotion, the only woman who'd ever truly loved him had been his mother, and that hadn't gone well because no matter how much Dean loved her, he couldn't save her and it hurt. **Love hurts**. That's what Cas should've said and then Dean would've agreed completely, it hurts because when you love them, they become a piece in your life that can't be filled again when they're gone. And then, with a quick glance at Castiel's fake smile, he could tell that Cas knew that kind of pain, perhaps not the same way but something similar that made him despise the idea of being in love. Cas was more similar to him than he wanted to admit. Replacing affection with sex because it was a lot less complicated and more satisfying in a way; and that made it easy to fake that they didn't want love.

 _I'm just too fake you see_  
_I wish I didn't have to be but oh_  
_I got too much soul for the world_  
_It's breaking my heart in two_  
_I got too much soul for you_  
_I don't like it but it's true..._

"You're not planning on going out tonight, are you?" Sam spoke when the only sound was the music playing from the radio. He usually appreciated the moment of quietness when Benny and Dean were not watching some loud TV show or chatting endlessly, but with Cas in the middle it just looked like a party that needed intervention before it died.

"Oh hell no," Dean answered, sipping on his beer before taking a seat next to his brother on the table, "It's Saturday and it's been a fucking long day." Although on a second thought, all the talk about crushes and love and sex had made Dean feel up to actually go out and hook up. Three days in a row without sex had to be the lamest achievement of the whole month.

Benny looked at Cas with a knowing look on his eyes and a mischievous smirk, "Then beer and pizza night indoors, that's not bad either." he playfully patted Cas' shoulder to move him away so that he could go grab a beer for himself.

"That sounds good," Cas replied, sitting up and looking at Benny as the guy walked to the kitchen.

Cas had to admit that it could be boring; just sitting down drinking alcohol with a lame radio program that brought up conversations about things he didn't care for —or rather he didn't **want** to care for— when he could be getting high and fucking someone in a hotel room with the noise of the city filling his ears, or at a club, dancing under the influence of whatever narcotic that made him feel good until his feet hurt, and then fucking in a hotel room. Either option was better. _Or even spending all day at an arcade having real fun for the first time in ages_. He looked briefly at Dean, who had somehow convinced him to go back to Benny's house.

The song ended and the commercials started.

"Can you just fucking change it to something else now?" Dean complained.

"The program is not over yet," Benny argued, uncapping a new beer for him and offering one to Sam. The younger Winchester just shook his head instinctively, trying to concentrate on his thesis but the damn paper was messing him up, so he quickly looked up at Benny and agreed to one beer. A small break couldn't hurt.

"We can tune it back when the commercials are over," Cas supported Dean's suggestion.

"You're supposed to be on my side," Benny grumbled.

Cas huffed a chuckle, looking at Dean from the corner of his eyes, then faking a smile for Benny, "I'm on my own side."

Dean laughed at that comeback and turned back to look at Benny, "Just five minutes, dude."

"Forget it, it ain't happening," Benny firmly replied,

"Dean just hates commercials," Sam laughed from the table, closing the lid of his laptop after saving all his progress.

By the time they finished arguing about changing the station (deciding to just leave it on), the radio host's voice came back to fill the room.

_"This is Carver Edlund and we're back with... well... you know the drill." Carver laughed into his microphone, "and we already have a call," Carver sounded excited, or at least more enthusiastic than before, "You're on air, tell us your story."_

"Is he drunk?" Sam asked, noticing a slight slurring in Carver's words. Everyone else shrugged.

_"Hey Carver, I'm Tom and I was in a position similar to what Maddison told you. It was back in college, I had this friend who told me he was gay as soon as we met. At first I have to admit I was uncomfortable around him because... well... I kept thinking he was checking me out all the time..."_

Dean saw Cas rolling his eyes.

_"... So whenever he asked me to hang out, I always brought other friends along with me because I didn't want to be alone with him. I don't know... I just felt like, if people saw me with him, they'd think I was gay too..."_

Cas looked at Dean briefly, almost mocking him with a cocky grin; and Dean just had to look away and sip at his drink to ignore the whole thing.

_"...but he was a really awesome guy. Very interesting to talk to and I admit I used to have a great time when we went out to parties or even playing pool at a bar." Tom paused._

_"And eventually you started wanting to spend more time with him, right?" Carver asked, his voice trying to hide how tipsy he was by taking a stern tone._

_"... yeah," the caller admitted, slightly embarrassed, "I can say now that it was a crush, it was definitely a crush."_

_"Why do you think that? Sometimes we just click with another person and it turns into a lifetime friendship. Only because we find a person that we connect easily, doesn't mean we're falling in love with them. I think we, as humans, have a hard time differentiating romantic love from fraternal love when it comes to friends."_

_"Oh trust me, I know it was a crush because he had this guy that he spent a lot of time with. They were not dating but they hooked up all the time; and I know that because he used to come to me the next day to tell me about it. Almost as if he tried to make me jealous."_

_"I don't think that was his intention. He probably just wanted to share this with his friend..."_

_"Maybe... I don't know... but it worked though. It made me jealous. That's why I say it was a crush."_

Cas stood up from the couch and went to the fridge. Benny was close, and Cas could've easily asked for the guy to bring him one; but he didn't, he walked over to grab one himself before going back to the couch. Dean would've understood if it was just to get his hands on Benny after getting a beer, but if he just wanted to hang in the living room then it was odd. After all, Cas had asked Dean for a beer, why not do the same with his boyfriend or whatever the fuck they were?

_"I started over-analyzing him. The way he acted, the things he said, or even when he faked a laugh or a smile and I could tell it was fake. I was out of my mind trying to find any hints to know if he had feelings for me or not..."_

Dean drank his beer again, all the way down to the bottom to get a new one. "That's bullshit dude, you're not straight." He mumbled at the radio, as if he could actually reach out towards the caller. Benny and Sam laughed.

_Carver decided to take control of his own program and spoke again, "See this is how we typically react to new relationships. We are rarely straightforward. We go and do childish schemes to find out answers that we could get easier if we communicate. It would be so easy to sit down with them and have a heart-to-heart conversation about it."_

_"... you need to understand that it was the first time I ever felt that way about another man." Tom interrupted, "about another person actually. He made me feel like I could be myself, I could just talk to him about everything and not feel judged, we'd talk for hours, sometimes about stupid things like the weather or music or hell, even about where we were born and stuff like that..."_

Dean uncapped his bottle a little bit harder and louder than usual. It made Cas look up at him and frown.

_"I just felt... free with him, and happy. And at first it was confusing, because just like you said, I thought it could just be that we were good friends and all, but then I started noticing new things about him, like how good he looked when he didn't shave, or that he looked better with messy hair instead of when he combed and wore hair gel. F**k I even knew what jeans fit him better. I even had a ‘favorite' jacket that he looked really good in."_

_"So you felt sexually attracted to him," Carver stated matter-of-factly._

_"I felt so weird about it, and I didn't know what to do because I didn't really want to f**k him... sorry, I..."_

_"Don't worry, I know what you mean. We all have been exposed to this social paradigms that sexual orientation and romantic orientation are the same; and by that logic, if we define ourselves as straight and fall in love with someone from the same gender, then it crashes with who we think we are. We're missing the point that this ‘someone' is a person, and love should not be restricted by sex, but by what we feel towards this person as a whole, not just by their gender."_

_"Yeah that's what happened to me. I didn't feel attracted to him in the beginning, but I had feelings for him..."_

"This is bullshit," Dean called from the kitchen, only just now realizing that he'd been looking at Cas the whole time, so he chugged his beer and sat down on the table. "If you don't feel like fucking them, then they're just a friend. Period."

"Sex is not everything in a relationship, Dean," Sam complained.

"Sex is the definition of a relationship for me," Cas casually included himself in the conversation, and Dean lifted his beer to signal a toast in agreement.

That was Dean's definition of a relationship: sex. No mushy crap that made you want to sing Lionel Richie or watch The Notebook a hundred times over and cry to every scene; and as far as he could tell, Cas felt the same way about it. He had to admit, he liked the guy for sharing a lot of his points of view, when not even his brother agreed with him in several things.

_"And what did you do about it?" Carver inquired for the sake of having more things to work with._

_"Well one night we were hosting a party at the dorms, and I remember watching him dance, and I just really really liked the way he moved, and it was the first time I ever imagined what it would be like to have sex with him..." Tom paused, as if he tried to organize his thoughts before speaking again, "God, I don't think I ever wanted to be with someone that intensely before."_

Dean had a fleeting reminiscence of Cas at the bar, he remembered noticing how good Cas could dance and just appreciated his moves from an artistic point of view. Dean didn't know the guy back then —honestly he didn't know the guy right now either—, so he could say 100% sure that it had only been as a comparison to Dean's lack of dancing skills. The memory made gave him goosebumps with the crap this guy on the radio was saying.

"Okay girls, I'm outta here," Dean muttered before drinking the rest of his second beer. He didn't want to keep listening to that program anymore, and if Benny was so fucking stubborn about changing the station, then Dean was just going to lock himself in his room and do something else, anything was better than this torture. So he pounded the bottle onto the table and strode to his bedroom.

Benny shrugged and walked over to the couch where Cas was sitting. Sam let his brother go away, choosing to give it a few minutes before he could knock on his door to bring him out again. And Cas was just jealous of Dean's ability to just run away from the torment that this radio program was. Talking about relationships and falling in love sounded way too sappy for him too, but due to Benny's insistence on leaving it on, Cas had no much choice but to withstand it if he ever expected to get laid again and sleep under a safe roof for another night.

_"This is what I'm talking about. Yesterday I mentioned those people we encounter, out of millions of people walking by the street next to us, we connect with very few of them, and if we're lucky, one of them becomes a vital part of our life. I'm glad you found it in this friend of yours, Tom." Carver paused, "What happened next?"_

_"We slept together," there was a confusing undertone in the caller's voice, some mix between shame, happiness and nostalgia, "It was the most amazing night I've had, and we kinda dated for sometime... but I guess I was too far in the closet for him, and I would sometimes snap at him when he tried to hold my hand in public or even hug me. He couldn't take it, and he... we ended things up, badly, and I lost him."_

_"Well it's understandable that you struggled. So this is the lesson of the story, don't let your own prejudices and insecurities deprive you of a beautiful relationship, right?"_

_"Yeah pretty much. I miss that guy a lot, and I've changed, I know I was a dick back then but I just wish... Logan if you're listening to this, just please give me a second chance?" Tom's voice was cracky. Honest._

Cas would've felt bad for the guy if it wasn't almost ridiculous. He chuckled. "Bi-curious guys are stressful," Cas mentioned in a low voice, "They want you, they hate you, they call you, they tell you to fuck off... No wonder this Logan ditched him. It's too much work for just sex."

"You weren't paying attention," Benny reproached, "It wasn't just sex."

"Maybe not for this Tom, if that's even his real name, but for Logan it may have." Cas stood up, walking away from Benny to make a point. He didn't like where this was going, Benny putting a radio program about relationships, then talking about falling in love... perhaps Benny was expecting more out of their affair than Cas was even interested in. He internally cursed Dean for changing his mind, he cursed at his car for breaking down on him, and Lucas for choosing this hideous city.

The bell rang right when Cas was opening another beer. Grabbing the empty bottle Dean left on the table to put it inside the carton with the rest of the empty beers. Benny rushed to open the door while Sam walked over to Dean's bedroom to knock on his door with a low "Pizza's here," whisper.

* * *

The rest of the day had been fast and quiet; Benny had brought up a casual conversation about video-games (to which Cas and Dean briefly exchanged a knowing look) and then Sam had helped him set up the XBox 360 to play for hours on end. At some point before they started playing, Benny had mentioned how rusty he was because the console had been gathering dust for months since they barely felt up to playing lately.

Even Sam seemed more than happy to extend his break from work to join the multi-player session of Halo where they killed each other over and over again, and eventually had made a subtle grateful comment at Cas for ever reminding them that they had a videogaming console because they had forgotten how fun it was to just waste hours in front of the screen with nothing to do but throwing grenades at Dean.

Cas had been the more vocal one during the whole evening, usually asking the other guys how to perform certain action or pick up a new weapon or ask which kind of grenade worked better; though since he was almost cuddling with Benny on the lover's seat, he had sometimes used his 'noob' status to distract his partner before performing a headshot. It worked every time.

And then there was Dean, as a counterpart to Cas, he had been the most quiet the whole night. Not that he didn't enjoy playing, because he was actually competitive and loved to be able to virtually shoot Sam and Benny; he had been quiet because he couldn't concentrate that much on the game when he would sometimes hear Benny being all sappy on the couch with Cas, they were directly to his right so it was hard not to hear them occasionally kissing. It didn't bother him that much, why should it? right? But sometimes Dean just had to masacre Benny with the Needle Pistol to make him pay attention to the game instead of Cas.

Benny won the first round, followed by Sam, then Dean and lastly Cas. Mostly because Benny killed everyone he got on target, Sam tried not to be a dick to Cas by giving him the chance to run (and usually ending up in survival), Dean was mostly focused on killing Benny and occasionally Sam when he got the chance to find that little shit; and Cas was so confused that would usually end up dying before he got the chance to take the kill shot. Also, they didn't admit this but Dean never aimed for Cas even when he had some chances to just shoot the guy; and Cas usually pretended not to notice Dean on his target, and would say he had forgotten how to change weapons in order to cover the fact that he, in fact, didn't intend to shoot the other guy.

They didn't stop playing until a few hours after the sun went down and the temperature dropped. They had moved from Halo to Gears of War, eating slice after slice of pizza, washing it down with alcohol until all 12 bottles were gone. Dean seemed to be the only one noticing that Cas didn't eat more than one slice, and it reminded him that back at the dinner Cas had only eaten that fucking small sandwich and further back into breakfast Cas had left the plate of eggs and bacon halfway uneaten.

After getting sick of all the blood on their screen while they tried to munch on their pizza, they switched to Assassin's Creed, and at that point they were more than ready to call it a day off and go to their respective bedrooms.

Dean hadn't been there to know what Benny and Cas talked on their way to buy alcohol, but from the looks of it, they were going to fuck again. Just perfect. He needed his headphones **again**.

When they finished their gaming session (thankfully not talking about anything else than virtual murder) Benny and Sam unplugged the X-Box and stored it away while Dean chugged the last beer, and Cas had casually excused himself to go to the bathroom, for the third time in the last three hours. Dean wasn't sure, but he vaguely noticed something different in the other guy whenever he returned from the bathroom, as if taking a shit just magically lifted his mood and made him either more excited and hyper about the game, or more clingy to Benny. His roommate seemed to be completely fine with having Cas' hands all over him, Sam barely registered the change of mood, and it made Dean realize that out of the three guys that lived in the house, he was the only one who actually noticed Cas' mood swing. Or perhaps it was his imagination, or he was reading too much into things.

They weren't best friends, that was given, but even though Cas had been a pain in the ass in the beginning, it had somehow ended well between them, and apparently had been okay opening up to him more than he seemed to be with Benny. Dean wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not, but as he set the empty bottle of beer into the carton, he felt oddly good about it.

"First and last time I attempt to play videogames," Cas complained as he handed the controller to Benny for storage. He laid on the couch, his hand reached for Benny, but his eyes were on Dean, and the older Winchester could see that Cas hadn't had such a good time with the XBox. He wanted to mention their time back at the arcade, but that just seemed wrong timed, and frankly Dean didn't want to give it more importance than it actually had, so he just rolled his eyes at the blue-eyed guy.

"Well you get to choose what we do tomorrow," Benny once again suggested that Cas should stay. And this time Dean could see that Cas wasn't having second thoughts about it as the guy shot a short unobtrusive look at him, before hesitantly nodding at Benny.

Dean found it strange, or maybe it was his tipsy imagination, but Cas looked like a completely different person now, or maybe it had something to do with fucking Benny, it was an altering factor that Dean wasn't going to provide. Whatever it was, Cas seemed... different around Benny. His laughs weren't quite as genuine as they were back at the diner with Dean, the words he uttered sounded (even if not strongly audible) fake. It wasn't hard to tell that Cas was putting on a different attitude when he was with Benny as opposed to how he had been with Dean.

 _Whatever_ , Dean thought to himself, he was paying too much attention to the other guy, more than he was meant to have. "Yeah, if you two lovebirds ever leave the room," he spit almost annoyingly at Cas and Benny before standing up, "I need to crash, so try to keep it low," he warned again before heading off to his room and taking his pants off to sleep with basically the same clothes he had before. He hadn't intend to sound resentful with his roommate, or to the new guy that had basically swooped into their lives. But he was tipsy enough not to give a shit about being a dick anymore, he got into his bed. Hearing some mumbles in the distance as Sam also said his goodnights before going to his own room right next to Dean's.

It was the second night in a row that Dean didn't have a nightmare. And the first night in weeks that his sleep didn't get interrupted in the middle of the night. For whatever reason, Dean was _good_ when he hit the hay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Songs featured:
> 
> 1\. Deep Purple - Smoke on the Water  
> 2\. Hockey - Too Fake


End file.
